Monday, June 28, 2010

An evening with the Backstreet Boys

Sweaty palms. Perspiration running down my temples. Feet shifting on the floor nervously. Anxious glances up at the stage. When would they appear, I wondered? When would this glorious moment finally take place, and these 4 gallant men would stand on the stage and I could behold them with mine own two eyes? Why this agony of being forced to wait? Oh the humanity! Haven't I suffered enough?!?

... These feelings and thoughts never crossed my mind the 3o minutes before the BSB's came out of hiding and on to the stage. Instead, I was considering how unbelievably unprofessional of the band to keep their audience waiting. I glanced at my watch. 9:30. Still nothing. The tickets said 8:30 on them. Why not perform at the time the ticket has? Why the wait?

Unfortunately, I was alone in my disgust. The malicious mass of women in the building (any variety of ages, from 12-30, with a smattering of about 10 men or so included in the mix) increased from anxious chatter to a dull roar as the band continued to wait. Clever, I thought. Let's put these girls on the verge of tears before we appear. And the music hadn't even started yet!

FINALLY, there was movement. A flashlight appeared on the curtain, and the arena erupted. I looked up! Finally? Nope, just a flashlight. Then a movie screen. It was the Backstreet Boys, all right... ON SCREEN. A video image of the four of them, walking towards the audience in deliciously expensive attire. Now THIS is what I paid to see! Of course, I could youtube any BSB video and see the 4 of them in those same outfits in those same poses, but instead, I saw it at the concert! Brilliant.

The video continued, the holograms approached. Closer, and closer, and closer... then the real live band jumped seemingly out of the curtain, and Hell broke loose. Startled, I reached for my broadsword, ready to defend myself against savage banshees and shrieking demons wailing and crying for human souls to feed on... then I realized I didn't have a sword. In fact, there were no demons. No banshees. Just crying, wailing women. It was as if they had all, each and every one of them, been given the news that they just won the million dollar prize of the lottery after inhaling a complete breath of a helium-filled balloon. I covered my ears in shock. What had this crowd become? I was prepared, but not for this. Not for this.

The BSB's started the concert with their hit song, "Backstreet's Back." What a delightful song. The lyrics primarily rely on the line, "everybody, yeah, rock your body, yeah." The crowd obeyed. I mean, what else can I say? A brilliant opening number with brilliant lyrics... for every single concert they ever do. These 30 year old men were... BACK.

The next song was even more stunning than the last, the song titled "PDA." The lyrics were equally captivating: "Your PDA, hey hey, I want your PDA." Need I say more?

They played their hits, I can promise you that. The mob loved every one. From "Larger to Life" to "Shape of my Heart," each song was filled with the passion and love that the band passed on to their audience, improvising each song with hilarious lines about Utah, as well as quick one-line gems, such as "Where you at, baby girl?" and "Peace and love. I love you guys." Lines like this make me wonder how anyone could ever accuse this band of not "leaving it all out on the field."

Each time they went back stage for a necessary wardrobe change, a movie preview came on. Fast and the Furious, Fight Club, Enchanted, The Matrix... oh! But what's this? The lead character of the movie - Vin Diesel, Brad Pitt, Enchanted's Prince, and Keanu Reeves - replaced by one of the members of the Backstreet Boys? Ingenious! Fight club was no longer fight club, but actually the Backstreet Boys Fan Club. Now THAT'S a club worth fighting for.

The concert ended on the song, "I want it that way." (or whatever it's called) I felt bad for the band. They had ended the concert on their FINAL hit (according to Megan). They had none left. Needless to say, when the encore (which was inevitable) was played, the audience left a bit disappointed. Maybe the band will be smarter next time they do a concert and SAVE one of their hits for their finale. But they will learn from this rookie mistake. It's not like they have been touring for 15 years or something.

I didn't clap for a double encore.

And that is my evening with the Backstreet Boys. I hear 98 degrees is coming soon, as well as Boys 2 Men (which obviously needs a band name-change). Sign me up.

1 comment:

  1. This cursed Backstreet Boys post led to the sticking in my head of several of their tunes. Quit playing games with my mind, Dan.

    Now that we know the whole story of the person you were with, I can reiterated: cursed.