Plot Holes and The Avengers: What Gives?

This is my second blog devoted to The Avengers.  But I realized something last night that should be addressed:  How does a blockbuster movie like that get away with such glaring plot holes?

Let me first say that I liked the movie.  A lot.  It was a fun ride.  I enjoyed watching the Hulk smash things especially.  For some reason, that was particularly pleasing.  

A month later, I saw The Dark Knight Rises.  I liked that movie too.  A lot.  But suddenly, I realized that I was holding Batman up to a different standard than The Avengers.  Why?  What was different?

I mean, let's be straight up honest here.  The plot holes in The Avengers are too many to list, and GLARING.  To name a few:

- How on earth does the Hulk, who doesn't even know why the team bonded in the first place, gain control of himself?  And think/speak coherently?

- Since when did all aliens turn into Droids and die when the "power source" is destroyed (and when were we going to be informed of this convenient fix to a seemingly fix-less debacle)?

- In the ridiculous scene where Thor fights Ironman, why didn't Loki run away?  

More and more and more.  All of these are beautifully documented in howitshouldhaveended.com, so go there to see the honest portrayal.  

And yet... we liked it!  Can you imagine if The Dark Knight Rises had those holes?  Wouldn't we have lambasted Nolan for ending Batman in such a ridiculous fashion?  We would have thrown our hands in the air and shouted and yelled and punched things if Nolan had taken such creative "liberties."  Funny thing is, Nolan couldn't escape some seemingly slight holes in the final movie, and thankfully, nobody seems to be crucifying him for it.  At least he didn't put these two characters in his movie.

So what gives, then?  Is it really just a matter of expectations?  Did I approach The Dark Knight Rises incorrectly, or did I approach The Avengers correctly?  Or is there more to it?  Am I being too harsh on The Avengers?

To be honest, I really don't know.

In an airport, everyone loses. A diary.

This is my play-by-play analysis of my latest experience in an airport, a simple flight to New York (JFK) to transfer there to Syracuse.  What a DOOZY.

10:00 pm: I arrive with my luggage, only to find a super long line to check your bags and no “online check-in” option available.  So I wait in the line, like all the other poor suckers there.  As if the airlines needed to start us on any worse of a note, as they only have 4 workers visible to the human eye. 

10:45 pm: Proceed from that line to a (thankfully) much shorter security line, where I go through the slick new machine.  As someone who has been frisked by airport workers at every single airport every single time I have tried to fly since the tender age of 11, I say to all naysayers to the new technology available in the security line: get over your privacy.  Some of us enjoy the quick 3 second scan, a much more pleasing alternative to the 10 minute patdown (“I’m going to use the back of my hand in this area…”)

11:00 pm: I arrive at my gate.  TROUBLE!  The flight has been delayed by 3 hours.  What on earth could possibly be the cause of an 11:35 departure time turning into a 2:10 am departure time?  Not a cloud in the sky.  It’s not Christmas either.  I’m too tired to find out.  I watch this cool documentary on the NBA that Shinster downloaded for me and fall asleep. 

2:00 am: Exciting news!  The plane is here.  Finally.  I also find out that the cause of our delay was that there was no available plane for us to use with a crew that hasn’t flown across the country a thousand times today (and hence cannot legally fly us to NY).   But they found a plane!  Hooray!  Finally we shall be on our way.  Flight attendant makes the preliminary “we will board the plane IN ORDER, even though everyone has a pre-assigned seat and will take an age to stuff their luggage into the overhead bins, thus eliminating any possibility of us actually changing the law of entropy on an airplane” speech, as well as a crack about waking people up so they don’t miss the flight.  I’m tired, and not very cranky (yet).

2:05 am: Very non-exciting news.  The plane is here.  The crew is new.  Except the crew is missing the pilot.  Yep.  You heard me right.  They realized the Captain is not fit to fly again (legally he cannot do anymore flying for the day), so he’s out.  Literally.  He’s probably home in bed by now, out like a light after a long day of flying.  As for the rest of us, we are left to sit and ponder 1) if we are actually going to depart by 3:00 am like they estimated, and 2) how in the DEVIL did they not figure this out sooner??? Did the plane land, and the crew got out and the new crew got there and looked around and said, “shoot, we forgot we’re a crew with no captain!”  I mean, in all seriousness… HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?  This is the equivalent of the Miami Heat showing up for the playoffs and realized they left Lebron sitting at a bus stop somewhere.  I’m actually not upset at this point – just bewildered.  The flight attendant is equally bewildered, as she stutters and stammers her way through the message that sounds something like this, “the flight, folks, is NOT cancelled, I promise maybe… there just isn’t anyone in the vicinity of Utah that can fly this plane, and the TSA is closed.  I’m sorry.”  The TSA closes at night!  How about that! 

2:10 am: It hits me at this point that my connecting flight will no longer be available (assuming we leave by 3 am) unless I literally jump out of the plane while still moving, knock the guys with the headphones off their train and speed like a Wildman across the runway, until I catch up to my connecting flight to Syracuse and hold on to the wheel Toy Story Style and head to Syracuse with my 50 pound suitcase.  So I head to the front of the gate to talk to the flight attendant.  Unfortunately, the next flight to Syracuse is 12:05 pm on Saturday, which works, but totally screws up my ride plans, but what other option did I have, Earl?  NONE!  While I’m waiting for this lady to switch my ticket (literally just like Meet the Parents – she types for about 2.5 hours before successfully switching my ticket over to a later flight, leading me to  imagine what she could possibly be typing while I waited.  Was she writing in her journal on a different screen while my ticket “buffered”?  Was she having an animated discussion on gchat with her boyfriend or husband about whose job sucks more?  Maybe she had to program my ticket in full javascript), I see a few angry people coming up to the line to let them have a piece of their mind, as if these two ladies had ANYTHING to do with the problem (answer: nothing).  Here are a few of the people I noticed as I stood up there:

Small Asian lady, continuing to cite when Jetblue did something differently to fix the current situation, despite the same apology from the flight attendant (“I’m sorry that’s just not possible, ma’am” about 8 times).

White lady with reading glasses, swearing to everyone in line that she will never fly on JetBlue again.  Hard to blame her here.  I mean, don’t you want your planes to come with pilots?  She also lets the flight attendant know that they just lost her as a customer (as if she cares at ALL).

Old man (good-natured), wondering how he will get to Boston.  When she successfully books him to a later flight, he asks, “is that one going to be delayed too?”  I laugh out loud and offer him a blue potato chip. 

Angry man (looked a lot like someone in academics), suggesting to the flight attendant that compensation is REQUIRED of all passengers and that such a situation is “egregious”.  This definitely qualifies for the word of the day, and I’m also quite sure the flight attendants didn’t know what that word means.  I did, however, almost point out to him that we were compensated in snacks, including some cookies that look and smell like cookies, but crunch like chips.  And not a good crunch either. 

Small Asian lady again.

Small Asian lady for a 3^rd time.  I’m not joking.  She came up 3 times.  Her English was very good too.

More people trying to go to Boston.

Finally, I have my ticket.  The typing has stopped.  At least we would get out of her soon, I think grimly, 

although I know from my experience being within earshot of the flight attendants for the last age that we still don’t have a pilot and TSA doesn’t open until 4 (although they predicted the 3 am departure probably because she doesn’t want all Hell to break loose here – oh wait, too late).

3:17 am: We still await word as to whether or not we have a pilot.  So far, the answer is no.  This place is like a graveyard.  There are at least 8 people sprawled out on the floor as if their lives had been drained out of them.  The airport seems to be able to do this to you – I mean, it’s not that bad of a place, you get free wi-fi and all sorts of snacks, but man alive, it probably ranks as one of the top 3 least favorite places for a human to be, right after the Dentist and Hell.  How did Tom Hanks do it?  Oh yeah.  His character didn’t exist.  Oh no!  Movies are starting to blend with reality.  I’m so tired.  That’s maybe why I’m not mad yet.  Oddly enough, we are all total strangers to each other, but everyone who wants to fly to NY with me has become somewhere between stranger and intimate family member.  I feel a kinship with them, created from the terrible delay.  I glance up to the counter, and I see the small Asian lady up there.  She has set up a tent and is smoking some s’mores by the flight attendant, which would explain why she’s up there for the 4^th time.  I think she’s trying to rally a mob maybe to fly the plane over to NY out of sheer willpower, hoping to give her youtube fame (as this would inevitably be filmed), possibly even nicknamed “the Asian Sensation of Aviation” or something.

4:00 am: The pilot has arrived!  He struts in like a reluctant superhero – obviously he isn’t too happy about the situation either.  Doesn’t he realize we are in peril???  As we board the plane, he reports that he has been at the airport this whole time – less than 100 yards away.  TSA is the chosen scapegoat, but who knows who is to blame.  Incompetence seems like a sure-fire winner.  I get to sit next to the lady in the reading glasses and, despite the $100 vouchers we receive as compensation, says another 2 times, “I’m never flying on JetBlue again.”  I curl up in my chair with my insanely dorky looking neck pillow around me (it’s even purple!).

I hate airports.

Shia Syndrome

**Spoiler Alert!  Do not read this blog until you have watched The Avengers.  Seriously.  Don't read it.

This post is about movies, and how I think about them too much.

Recently, I wrote a post about Ironman Syndrome, in which the superhero is faced with a supervillain that is exactly like him, just bigger and stronger. I refer to it as a Syndrome because it's a challenge faced by many movies due to a director who, unfortunately, is unable or just doesn't care to make the movie more complex. 

There is, however, another syndrom I would like to reference in this blog: Shia Syndrome.  The name of the syndrome is referencing one of my least favorite actors in the history of acting, Shia LaBeouf.  Disturbia, Indiana Jones, Transformers... the list goes on and on as to the movies he has singlehandedly ruined.  However, this blog actually isn't about his poor acting skills.  In this case, it's not actually his fault. 

I speak of Shia Syndrome, which is, in effect, the decision of the director to focus and give extremely important roles to non-essential characters.  Transformers seems to be the best example for this, hence the name Shia Syndrome.  I can't count the number of scenes in which Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, or some army dude was playing a super-essential role in defeating the Decepticons.  Michael Bay took this to the extreme at times, even slowing down the non-essential character scenes for super slow-mo (and super YAWN) shot, trying to capture the "human" struggle.  Unfortuntately for Bay, many of us just wanted to see Optimus Prime and co. smashing Megatron and co. in the face.  We sometimes wondered why Bay needed humans in the film at all! 

Finally, Transformers was ending, and you could only hope to see an epic Megatron vs Prime duel for the ages.  Unfortunately, Shia snuck in again, and in perhaps the worst "how to end a movie" decision of all time, he rammed a cube into Megatron's chest, finishing him off (while Prime sat on his haunches).  That was it.  Not only had Bay given non-essential characters gigantic roles, he had given Shia the "I'm the guy in the movie - not a robot, mind you, but a guy - that finishes off the baddest of all Decepticons" role.  To me... this sucked. 

Enter The Avengers.  Director Josh Whedon took a page out of the ol' Michael Bay handbook.  Fortunately for us, the characters were a little more skilled than a kid with a Strokes t-shirt, but to say they were essential is quite a stretch.  The characters I speak of specifically are Black Widow and Hawkeye.  Granted, Hawkeye was one of the 4 original Avengers, but the movies didn't pay enough attention to him to merit even a mention.  Captain America, Thor, and Ironman all got their own movies, as did the Hulk (heck, Ironman got 2 movies).  Hawkeye?  How else could the audience view him besides some sharp shooting archer?  And that was it.  No special abilities, except super cool arrows.  Black Widow, too, seemed to go into every fight with one ninja move (jumping on someone's head and flilpping them over) and one pistol.  And we were supposed to believe she would play a vital role in helping Ironman?  In helping the Hulk?  Really?

Black Widow went so far as to save the day, just as Shia did.  Whedon couldn't let Captain America figure it out, or Ironman figure it out (he was extremely equipped to do so).  Meanwhile, Captain America, despite Whedon's efforts, is playing a less important role "controlling the ground," as he said, while Ironman, Thor, and Hulk do the real heavy lifting.  Couldn't his role be reversed with Black Widow? 

My problem, to be clear, is not that Black Widow and Hawkeye were in the movie, but that Black Widow and Hawkeye, at times, were the movie.  They dominated too much of the screen for my liking - classic Shia Syndrome. 

As far as the movie was overall, I actually liked it a lot.  I thought it was an action packed blockbuster that lived up to what I expected - lots of witty lines, a shallow at best plot, and superheroes punching things.  Shia Syndrome, unlike Transformers, didn't ruin the movie, fortunately. 

Notice the picture that starts this blog.  Notice the superheroes in the picture.  Notice the ones not in the picture.  You probably instantly thought, the Hulk should be there!  Hopefully you didn't instinctively cry out against not having Black Widow and Hawkeye in it.  Clearly, the picture's illustrator didn't feel the need to paint them in either. 

The Top 10 Most Beautiful Songs in Movies. Ever.

Here I am, chilling with the Caped Crusader himself.

I warn those about to read, this will be a big waste of your time if you are not a fan of movies, and more specifically, movie soundtracks. If you aren’t, seriously, stop reading.

For the rest of you...

I LOVE movies. Love love love. Anyone who knows the slightest about me knows this, and they also I know I tend to be a bit critical. One thing I tend to pay particular attention to is movie scores and soundtracks. I LOVE movie soundtracks.  Love love love.

At this point, I need to clarify what I'm going for here. I was looking for the 10 most beautiful (not necessarily powerful) movie songs of all time. Unfortunately, this turned out to be harder than I thought. It felt a bit like going out to a high mountain during a beautiful summer night and picking out your favorite stars, or choosing your favorite siblings, or picking your favorite moment from Dumb and Dumber. So I made a rule to make things a bit simpler: a composer can only have 1 song on the list (although I may list a few honorable mentions).  So, here's the list:

Barely Missed the Cut:

• "Spring Training" by Jerry Goldsmith (Rudy)
• "Main Titles" by Randy Edelman (Dragonheart)
• "Main Theme" by John Barry (Dances With Wolves)

The Top 10

10.  "I'm Listening" by James Newton Howard (I Am Legend)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hORxGgbioWc

James Newton Howard deserves a bit more credit here, as he has had his hand (cool alliteration!) in many scores as a co-composer, such as The Dark Knight. The soundtrack for I Am Legend is one of the more underrated scores out there, and there are many songs I could have put here just from that score. 

Honorable Mentions by Howard:

• "Lucious, I'm Back" (The Village)
• "It's Over" (The Fugitive)

9.  “The End” by Harry Gregson-Williams (Man on Fire)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be2oSgKDnj4

Gregson-Williams and Gerrard really hit a home run here (admittedly, I’m assuming it was a collaborative effort, so I’m giving both of them the credit). This was one of those songs that really thumped me on the head while I was watching the movie – as if, despite the movie being cool, the song was yelling, “hey, I’m cooler than this scene."

Honorable Mentions by Gregson-Williams:

• "Evacuating London" and "Narnia Lullabye" (The Chronicles of Narnia)

8.  “End Credits” by Dario Marionelli (Pride and Prejudice)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJvFu4mmx9c

This list is turning out to be tougher than I even originally intended. Good Grief! Our next song comes from someone I’m not super familiar with, although as soon as I heard this soundtrack, I fell in love. Everything about it makes sense. I’m not sure a theme from a movie fit the character (in this case, Elizabeth) more than Marianelli’s theme here. This song seems to embody what someone would want out of a relationship. I’d better stop talking about this song or I’ll really start showing off my less-manly side.


7.  "Truman Sleeps" by Philip Glass (The Truman Show)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjvspeLgeww

Just when you thought a Jim Carrey movie couldn’t possibly get on this list… Philip Glass saves the day! It’s hard not to picture in your mind Truman sleeping on the projector screen, while this dude plays this song on a little keyboard. Fitting for a TV show about a man’s life? Perhaps not. This song feels just a bit larger than the projector screen. Then again, the movie was fantastic. So who can say? In a nutshell, this song is just plain superb (so was Ed Harris).


6.  “Eptesicus” by Hans Zimmer (Batman Begins)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdtscnZzvrU

Zimmermania seems to be the rage in the soundtrack world at the moment. I recently found (on Grooveshark) a song called “Zimmer Mega Mix!” that included a total of 2 Zimmer songs (a bit disappointing). Indeed, Hans Zimmer is known for his powerful and commanding scores. From Pirates of the Caribbean to The Last Samurai, his movies somehow capture the actual power of the movie itself. Here, we find a lighter, softer side to Zimmer's traditionally powerful anthems, a side necessary to capture the essence of Bruce Wayne’s childhood. Implicit in the song is the relationship Bruce shares with his father, and you can picture the stethoscope scene (if you are Batman-knowledgeable enough). This was one of my tougher picks, because Zimmer has, to be frank, more songs to choose from than you could fill a batcave with. But this one tops ‘em (and also solves the argument as to which Batman movie has the better score). It's also worth noting that the songs in Batman Begins were all named after different species of bats. Which is super cool.

Honorable Mentions by Zimmer:

• “Honor Him/Now We Are Free” (Gladiator)
• "Time" (Inception)
• "A Small Measure Of Peace" (The Last Samurai)
• "Election By Adoration" (Angels And Demons)
• "Chaveliers De Sangreal" (The Da Vinci Code)

5.  “Feather Theme” by Alan Silvestri (Forrest Gump)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcOt6mfjxeA

Silvestri is a lesser-known composer who had done some pretty decent work at composing. This, however, is his gem. I don't need say anymore than this:

“Hey Forrest. Don't... I wanted to tell you I love you."
“I love you too, Daddy."
“I'll be right here when you get back."

Honorable Mentions by Silvestri:

• "Main Theme" (Cast Away)
• "I Believe Her" (Contact) 

4.  “You Are The Pan” by John Williams (Hook)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EFiTuG21jg

This song, frankly, is just so underrated it’s sickening. Some may laugh, some may mock my choice, but then they will go listen to this song, and think of the smallest of the Lost Boys who discovers Peter Pan and helps him remember Neverland. It’s as if Spielberg and Williams decided, together, they were going to stick it to adulthood. Give this song a listen before you cry out in protest. A tough pick? I’ll say.

Honorable Mentions by Williams:

• “A Tree for my Bed” (Jurassic Park)
• "Flying Theme" (E.T.)
• "Toy Planes, Home, Hearth" (Empire Of The Sun)
• "Luke And Leia," "Yoda's Theme," "Anakin's Theme," (Star Wars)

3.  “The Breaking of the Fellowship” by Howard Shore (The Lord of the Rings)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ9NOV3KNpY

One of my favorite things about the score for the LOTR movies is that Shore titled the songs after chapters of the books. That is just one of many, many things I love about this soundtrack (my cousin Doug once called it a modern day Symphony – I think it transcends symphonies). Honestly, how could I choose one song from such a gold mine? In this song, however, the beauty of perhaps my favorite scene from all 3 movies is fully captured:

Frodo: "I'm going to Mordor alone!"
Sam: "Of course you are!  And I'm coming with you!"

Frodo and Sam form one of the strongest friendships in literature and film, and this movie, ironically, refers to a bond such as this as a “breaking” of something else. Clever. Here are some other songs I nearly chose from LOTR.

• "The Bridge Of Khazad-Dum" (the last minute of this song is memorable)
• "The Steward Of Gondor"
• "The Gray Havens" (heaven, anyone?)
• "The Return Of The King" ("my friends, you bow to No one...")
• "The King Of The Golden Hall" (is there a better theme in film than the Rohan Theme?)
• "Samwise The Brave"

2.  "Casper’s Lullaby” by James Horner (Casper)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kspdcyU-K_g

Those who may scoff that such a terrible movie could have the #2 most beautiful song of all time… need to stop and listen. This song is so unbelievably beautiful, and at the same time by far the most difficult decision of the whole list. I mean, I’ll just stop talking and show you the list of honorable mentions. If you don’t like my pick, go make a list of your own (but listen to this song first, and do it without tearing up). 

Honorable Mentions by Horner:

• "Epitaph To War" (Glory)
• "Freedom Theme," "For The Love Of A Princess" (Braveheart)
• "Creating 'Governing Dynamics'" (A Beautiful Mind)
• "Whispering Winds" (The Land Before Time)
• "Main Theme" (Field Of Dreams)
• "Diego's Goodbye" (The Mask Of Zorro)

1.  "Schindler's List Theme" by John Williams (Schindler's List)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLK5OWU2YGw

Ok, so I cheated. I chose Williams for two spots. I figured, since he is the greatest movie composer of all time, he deserved it. This one tops the list. It tops them ALL. I mean, are you kidding me? To really understand the full scope of this song, you really need to see the movie. Spielberg, Neeson, Williams, and Perlman all combined for this song, and frankly, what more could you ask for? A perfect movie? Debatable. A perfect final scene? Plausible. A perfect song? Without question.









 




 

On Suffering

For fans of Calvin and Hobbes, this picture will be very familiar. Calvin, upon meeting a day full of challenges, would often don his lucky underpants (to little or no avail).

In another comic, Calvin, upon finding no butter in the butter dish when his toast pops up, laments, "Haven't I suffered enough???"

Sound familiar?

The 4 main tenets of Buddhism are known as the "Four Noble Truths" and are as follows (in a nutshell):

1. Life is Suffering.
2. Suffering is caused by a constant craving or thirst that we attempt to satisfy by something outside of ourselves.
3. Through diligent practice, we can put an end to our craving or thirst. That state where the craving, or suffering, has ended is referred to as Nirvana, or Enlightenment.
4. The Eight-Fold path is prescribed as a means of relieving the suffering and achieving Enlightenment.

The purpose of this is not to go into the Eight-Fold path or talk any more about Buddhist teachings. Rather, it's to merely point out that Buddha was on to something!

I think life does a very good job at making us forget that it's supposed to be hard. Everywhere you look, you see ads that ask you why you aren't happier than you could be. Is it because you aren't wearing the right jeans? Or maybe you haven't seen a certain movie yet? Or you haven't opened up a bottle of Coca-Cola, who claims to "Open Happiness"?

Is life supposed to be summed up as easily as Buddha did as suffering?

The Prophet Joseph Smith wondered the same thing. While in a tiny jail known ironically as Liberty Jail in Missouri, he asked, "Oh God, where art thou?"

I, too, have asked this question. I've wondered for myself, "What is the point of all this suffering? Doesn't God want me to be Happy? Why me?"

Here are some observations from my own "days of suffering":

• Suffering causes you to isolate yourself. John Donne points out that "no man is an island, entire of itself," but when we suffer, it sure feels like we are alone in our suffering. The question isn't "why am I not happy and pain-free?" but rather "why is everyone else but me happy and pain-free?"
• Suffering seems to be endless. Just like a Hydra, just when you seem to be free of one massive obstacle, two more pop up. The fun never ends!
• Suffering is sometimes caused by your own shortcomings, but even your best efforts don't always stop the pain from happening. In a world where everything revolves around power, it can quickly make you feel powerless, helpless, and vulnerable.
• Suffering alters your daily routine, which can knock you out of a "good thing" you had going. Life can quickly feel like it's spiraling out of control.

I don't claim to be Job. I don't claim to have suffered even a fraction of what many in this world suffer today. But I do know one thing: the amount I have on my own plate is insurmountable without divine help. Maybe that's why I'm grateful for my own version of the Eight-Fold path. Buddha points out that the way to alleviate suffering is through

1. Right View
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

Now, ask yourself this question: "What role does God play in my life?" For most of us, the answer is not enough. In all 8 areas, I have room for improvement. In all 8 areas, I have more to learn as to how attunement to that area can actually help me ALLEVIATE PAIN in my life.

As a Christian, I do, however, have one major advantage to the Buddha: I don't have to do this alone. Here's my modified 8-fold path:

1. Eternal Perspective (the ability to see the End from the Beginning)
2. Real Intent in Sincere Prayer
3. Right Speech
4. Charity in my Actions (forgetting myself and my own problems)
5. Healthy Lifestyle
6. Diligent Effort (Enduring through the Storms of Life)
7. Teachable Mindfulness (What can I learn?)
8. Right Concentration and Meditation

I didn't change all of them. But I see room in all 8 for Christ. To me, this is the key to suffering. This is the way through. This is the only way through.

I saw a book title once. It read: "If Life were Easy, then it Wouldn't Be Hard." Makes sense, I guess.

Sorry for the ramble. It feels good to write about suffering. At least it's easier to write about then actually go through.

And for those who might be wondering: God's response to Joseph? "My son, peace be unto thy soul, thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on High... all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

The elusive question: Greatest Band Ever?

For the past few years, I have had many animated discussions with close friends in regards to this question: Who is the Greatest Band of All Time?

I'm determined to answer this question. Clearly, this is going to be based merely on opinion, so I can't state any of my opinions (although heaven knows many of my opinions SHOULD be facts).

I was going to list a bundle of statistics that prove my point, as well as countless quotes from musicians and artists that would all concede the same point I'm trying to make, but I'd rather take a more unconventional approach. I will simply complete this statement: Your band is the greatest band of all time when... (here you go)

1 - All 4 members of your band (including the drummer) are recognizable and regularly referred to by their first name only

2 - You walk into a bookstore (NOT a music store, but a BOOKstore) and see an entire stand devoted to your band

3 - Your band name is more recognizable to fans than their own mother's name

4 - There have been multiple full-length feature films done revolving around your music (despite the lack of anything more, including depth, plot, and character development) and people actually watch it

5 - Entire movies (Across the Universe, I Am Sam) are scored with covers based entirely on your music

6 - Entire movies (Nowhere Man) are based on the popularity of a member of your band

7 - Your band breaks up and each band member starts his own band with hits of his own (Band on the Run, Live and Let Die, Instant Karma, Imagine, My Sweet Lord, It Don't Come Easy, to name a few)

8 - In less than 10 years, your band records more hit songs than any band has ever had (I'll go toe to toe with you here if you wanna dispute this - they just have MORE HITS than anyone)

9 - When men's hair gets a little long, people often comment, saying such things as "Hey, Ringo!" or "You look like George Harrison!"

10 - Your band creates bands of its own (Sergeant Pepper)

Now, I will admit, this band I am talking about (I will continue to let it remain nameless) had some serious advantages. Bands came later in the 70s, 80s, and even the 90s had to deal with more competition than the Beatles (oops!) ever had. However, it's hard to imagine a time period in which the white noise surrounding the musical landscape could have possibly drowned out Let It Be, Ticket to Ride, and A Day in the Life (perhaps the greatest song of all time?).

I am very excited to hear feedback, along with how you could possibly dispute this claim.

BYU vs Utah: the Aftermath

I turned the game off after Heaps' second fumble in the endzone. I don't ever remember turning off the BYU-Utah game before until it was over. I wasn't mad. I wasn't disgusted. I felt... nothing. Utah fans didn't even send me scathing messages like last year, realizing, probably, that we had suffered enough. Even they pitied. Even they were shocked.

Indeed, 2011 marks a stunning new chapter in the Holy War, and in the world of college football. Utah's move to the Pac-10, BYU's counter by going independent, and major conference realignment (and the ominous threat of the formation of super conferences) made the season especially anticipatory. Even the teams losses to USC and Texas, respectively, in two games they both should have won didn't ruin the appeal of the Holy War.

This year, it was different. It meant MORE. More than just a mere MWC championship. More than a shot at a big time bowl game. This time, it was all about PRIDE. BYU was finally going to prove to Utah that they, too, belonged in the Pac-10, that they were still the premier team in the state. BYU was going to prove, once and for all, that they belonged. Utah had already proven it, time and time again (BCS, anyone?). Now, they could show it off with the new Pac-12 symbol, while BYU, like a little brother who doesn't get the same treatment as the older brother, scrambled to Independence.

The stage was set.

Quickly, BYU fans are now waking up to a new reality, a reality many fans STILL refuse to admit:

1 - BYU is now 2nd tier to top-tier Utah. The gap is now apparent. Utah belonged in the Pac-12, and BYU didn't. It's that simple. Utah is the BETTER TEAM.

2 - BYU will continue having serious recruting obstacles, while Utah's recruiting class will get stronger and stronger.

3 - The quest for perfection is the quest each year, as BYU can only go undefeated for a chance at a bowl other than the Armed Forces Bowl, or something equally lame. As for the rest of our schedule... does it matter AT ALL?!? 10-2, in my book, is still a losing season.

4 - Conference Realignment will only hurt BYU, especially if Texas and OU join the Pac-12. BYU is going to be on the outside looking in.

#4 is especially scary, in my opinion. Remember SMU? Remember when they were good? I don't either. As conferences shift towards the power teams, BYU may just get the short end of the stick, with absolutely nothing to play for, no one to recruit, and no chance at winning.

Now, I know there are still many positives in BYU's favor. Our independent contract obviously has some benefits ($$$!), as does our Mormon appeal and audience, as well as our strong tradition of excellence. I just fear that I may be first to admit that this era may be ending.

In other words, it may be time to start cheering for Utah.

Dan in Real Life.

Who am I? I'm nobody.

I recently heard this line from the movie Rango. Rango, upon being caught in the web of deception, finds himself at the point of nothingness. For me, however, the problem with this line in the movie was that it RESONATED. I could feel it gnawing at my insides, asking me to believe it. I soon began asking myself the same question: who am I?

It was easy for me to relate to Rango. Especially at this point in my life, when the following phrases had become much too common (raise your hand if you hear this too):

"chosen to go in a different direction..."
"looking for someone with more experience..."
"decided to go with a more qualified candidate..."
"regret to inform you..."
"will not continue the application process with you..."
"good luck in your future endeavors..."
"we genuinely appreciate your interest in applying..."
"unfortunately..."

Sound familiar? It's easy to sum up rejection, but tough to mentally reject the sum. Have you ever done poorly when you were sure you would excel? Do you wake up in the middle of the night and realize you are sleeping alone? Have you ever been at such an end of your wits that anything puts you in frantic "why me" mode? Are you tired of hearing the phrase "it will all work out"? Do you ask yourself what might have been, over, and over, and over...

This is Dan in Real Life. Forget the movie.

Recently, I had a couple experiences that made me re-evaluate my personal script. I was feeling especially down, when a friend helped me realize all the positives I was missing. I doubt she fully realizes how much this meant to me. After all, it's easy to be down. It's easy to forget. It's easy to be a victim. Her optimistic words helped me refocus and reconnect to reality. And quite literally, all she had to do was smile and say things were going to work out.

A few days later, I had the opportunity to spend time with another woman in my life who I admire and respect greatly. She has every opportunity and excuse in this life to go through life with her feet dragging along the floor. It is her right. It is what the world would expect. But she doesn't. There is power behind her courage, strength behind her optimism, and it was humbling to witness. I became empowered by her presence, as I watched someone who appreciated and gleaned everything she could out of REAL, UNIMAGINED LIFE.

I guess that's why the movie bothered me so much. They tried to portray a person "in real life," but everything worked out in the end for him - in fact, it worked out for everyone.

This doesn't bother me anymore. Life has a strange tendency to work out for the better. Thanks to the love and encouragement I have seen from my friends lately, I once again see this.

Who am I? I'm somebody.

Lessons from Sam

Today marks the 9th anniversary of the passing of my dear older brother, Sam. After a valient, year long battle with Lymphoma, Sam left us, but not forever. I look at pictures of him today, and I still see the brother I came to love, respect, and admire so very much. I REMEMBER him, so very well, even after nine years. Today I decided to jot down a few lessons he taught me (mind you, these are just a few - he taught me more than he could ever know).

1. "Put on those Afterburners!"
- Sam and I, as well as the rest of the Hess clan, shared an intense love for sports, which included playing and watching them. When I was 10 or so, Sam would go out in the backyard with me and play catch with the football. He was the QB, and he would trace routes on his hand for me to execute with exactness. I would diligently follow them as outlined. If, however, I missed the catch due to the ball being thrown too deep, Sam would yell, "Put on those afterburners!" as I returned to the huddle. Mentally, I kicked myself. I would put on those afterburners! Despite the fact that the throw was clearly too far (making it Sam's fault), I felt that I needed to work harder.

What on earth could I learn from this? I learned very quickly that Sam did not put up with my excuses, and neither would life in general. I learned not to become the victim, but to take responsibility for all my actions. I learned that if you want things in life, you have to get out and GET them. Mostly, however, I learned what it was like to have a brother who cared enough for me to play catch with me. Such a simple thing, but Sam was always going out of his way to spend time with me, especially when I was sick in the hospital. I remember being overjoyed whenever Sam would come to visit me, because I knew his visits would be fun. I saw in Sam an older brother who was willing to take me under his wing, so to speak, and teach me important life principles. All starting with the ol' Afterburners.

2. "Shake up Hell, baby!"
- Sam's catch phrase from his mission soon found its way into my mission labors, as I quickly learned what he meant. I can't tell you the number of times this phrase motivated me to work a little harder, a little smarter, then I would have without it. Sam had a firm testimony of Jesus that he never allowed to go hidden or unnoticed, and I now strive for the same goal. The restored gospel through the prophet Joseph Smith meant everything to him, as it means so much to me and my family.

3. "Don't look into the camera!"
- Anyone who knew Sam understood the importance of cinematography in his life. Sam loved movies, music, and productions of all sorts, including directing simple, sometimes violent, neighborhood films. I LOVED to take part in them. Sam made me feel so important and wanted, as I tried desperately to avoid looking into the camera during filming (probably his biggest complaint with me and all of my siblings, especially Julia). I learned how to be passionate about something, as I tried to emulate my older brother. I made movies of my own. I started my love affair (that is still ongoing) with movie soundtracks. I tried to find uplifting, GOOD music that wasn't just loud banging (although, I admit, I had my phase in high school where banging = GOOD). Indeed, so much of what I'm passionate about I HAVE to attribute to Sam's influence. Star Wars, the Utah Jazz, MJ, the Ben Folds, John Williams, fantasy novels (most notably Shannara), and many other things I am passionate about can all be traced back to Sam. I feel like it could even be considered a heritage of sorts, a mantle I am proud to carry.

4. "We don't have time for that."
- The day I found out Sam was to be put on hospice, I remember crying on my bed, trying to figure out how I was going to cope with this. In the midst of my weeping, I remember Sam coming into my room and putting his arm around me and consoling me (which seems so backwards! But that's how good he was). He said, "hey, we don't have time for that," and asked me if I would boot up the playstation so we could play some FIFA soccer. I remember being bewildered by his optimism - I couldn't imagine handling news like that so well. Sam taught me at that moment what it meant to cherish life to its fullness. I can scarcely remember seeing Sam waste time, even when the end was near. He really cared about life, and he enjoyed it. He fulfilled Lehi's words in the Book of Mormon: "men are that they might have JOY." Even in the midst of terrible pain and affliction, worse than even I could imagine, Sam kept a smile on his face and the love of God (bright with the testimony of Christ) in his heart. I have never doubted where he is today.

In summary, there are so many reasons why I love Sam. These are just a few. When I read the Alchemist recently, I saw a quote in the book that reminded me immediately of him:

"That's what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too."

To me, Sam was quite the Alchemist. And I will love him forever for it.

Superhero Movies: Ironman Syndrome

Well, here it is. My written defense statement as to why I didn't like Ironman. I have been absolutely BLASTED by my lack of interest in this movie, as it seems to be everyone's favorite. Common responses include, "Are you insane?" "Did you even WATCH it?" "Is there something wrong with your brain?" And on, and on, and on...

I will now explain Ironman Syndrome, the #1 reason why I didn't like Ironman (there are other reasons, but I won't delve into those at the moment).

In the last 5 years or so, Hollywood has become infatuated with superheroes. Batman, Spiderman, Superman, X-Men, Ironman, even the Fantastic 4 made an appearance. Some of these movies were epic (most notably the Batman reboot, as well as X2 and the latest X-men: First Class), while others were duds, including Ironman.

Ironman Syndrome, quite simply, is the tendency for superheroes, at the climax, to fight himself at the end of the movie. Lack of originality, "sticking to the book," and sucky directors can all be responsible for this, but the effect is the same: anti-climatic. How can Ironman be considered a good movie when the final villain is a larger, stronger version of Ironman, without much else in regards to modifications? Seriously, would it take much to create a different type of villain for Ironman to fight? (Not to mention the need for Penny to save Ironman's life, which is lame on so many levels).

Hulk suffers from the same thing. X-Men: Wolverine? Same problem. Ironman 2? Isn't it the same type of guy, but this time with a simply anti-climatic 5 second "battle?"

The Dark Knight, in contrast, shows the awesomeness of a villain done RIGHT. The Joker, in comparison to Batman, is NOTHING like the caped crusader, a difference which he himself acknowledges ("this is when an immovable object encounters an unstoppable force."). X-Men, too, usually leaves the viewers with beautiful battles between foes with very different powers and abilities. Can it be that hard to work into the Ironman script?

There you have it. Watch out for Ironman Syndrome in the future. It seems to be a favorite of cheap Hollywood directors. As for me, I'll continue looking for quality in Superhero movies.

Movies: King's Speech vs. Inception

Recently, I had the opportunity to finally catch The King's Speech (in the dollar - boom). The movie prompted a new theory I have regarding movies.

I think it's easy to quickly categorize movies into certain types. Some of the types I can list off the top of my head would include vulgar, sex-filled nonsense comedies, violent/gorey action movies, high school horror, animated comedies, chick flicks, etc. Notice, from this short list I have generated, you will RARELY (if ever) see a movie from one of these types up for Movie of the Year honors (imagine if Dude, Where's My Car? or The World Is Not Enough were ever nominated!).

Certainly, directors are aware, when they embark on a movie, that they are NOT going to be granted any awards, a knowledge they must have even prior to filming. They are filming these movies for a very particular reason, and it's not based on creating art (although I will admit you can argue this as the primary motive behind EVERY SINGLE movie, despite its artistic qualities): $$$. Sex, violence, horror, vulgarity, explosions, and terrific wall-to-wall action that is seemingly plotless SELLS. I admit, I sometimes love a good flick with no real storyline (see: Fast 5, Terminator Salvation).

Here's my point: I have left out two types of movies that seem to avoid the common traps of the above list, movies that can actually be considered for awards, movies that directors embark on in an EFFORT to be noticed as artistic. Some of these movies fail miserably, some of them perform admirably. I wish to talk about the two types of movies that perform admirably.

1 - Unreflective Virtuosos. You could compare the music of Mozart to these movies. These movies seem to challenge traditional cinematographic methods while maintaining a flavor of simplicity that is refreshing. Case-In-Point: The King's Speech. Simple plot, basic, easy-to-grasp characters, and fantastic dialogue characterize this movie, as you meander from scene to scene, not really ever waiting for anything to happen, but at the same time not checking your watch to wonder when it will end. The movie, simply, was simple. This has become quite a winnable way in recent cinema. Other movies I would add to this list of simplicity include The Social Network (very simple story, but an unbelievably fabulous Plot carries you through the movie), and Little Miss Sunshine, to name a few. Although complexity exists in these movies, it is not mind-bending, but it is thought-provoking, and refreshingly basic.

2 - Cerebral Structurer. Here is the other type of movie that seems to do well in the eyes of critics. Beethoven's symphonies were complex, deep in meaning, layered, and full of comprehension and understanding of the passion and feeling humans were capable of. His music is SUPPOSED to evoke those emotions (as compared with Mozart's, where a very different feeling, if any besides relaxation, is often felt). As for movies... Inception, anyone? A movie riddled with layers, forcing you to think, think, think, think! Success in cinema can be accomplished by more of a grand spectacle, so to speak, a movie that you wait in line for hours just to be the first to see. These include the Matrix, the LOTR's, the Gladiators, the Slumdogs, the Saving Private Ryans. Directors really pull out the stops, as they give you what you came for: epic entertainment that isn't sold as Cheap or Pastiche.

So there you have it. I would love to hear movies that have been Cream of the Crop and have avoided one of these two areas, because I really don't think it's possible. It seems that 95% of what Hollywood produces can be stuffed inbetween, as directors give way to apathy, writers succumb to lack of creativity and genius, and producers decide cost is not worth the product.

Hopefully, movies will be more like The King's Speech and Inception.

The Honesty Question

Today in church, we discussed the topic of honesty. I would say that of all the commandments that are the easiest to fudge and to fail to repent of, it would be honesty. How easy is it to tell a lie?

I have a few observations about honesty.

1 - Honesty is terribly undervalued, even in a society that "values" it. Abraham Lincoln is one of the most well-respected historical figures you will ever come across. One of his defining characteristics is that he was honest. Americans know the stories, and they value the stories. But are these values translated? Such hypocritical acts are reflected in politics, in the news, in sports, and in the everyday life of an American citizen and Christian. Clearly, there is a disconnect between learning about Lincoln and living like Lincoln? Why the disconnect? I would argue that the disconnect is a result of the success gained by living the alternative method while preaching pro-honesty. Simply put, society rewards the dishonest who pretend they are honest (until, like Nixon or Tiger, they are caught). There is no reward from being straight up dishonest or honest. You have to blend the two cleverly.

2 - This brings me to my second point. I have long wondered why many of my peers (myself included) would never even be tempted by the prospect of stealing a Charleston Chew from a grocery store, yet would freely pirate music. In my own personal experience, I used to justify my pirating ways by imagining the companies and the bands who were raking in the money anyways and thus it didn't matter if I didn't pay for their tunes. After all, I deserved the music! I didn't have money to buy it, and it was simple and easy to do.

There is, however, another reason why I pirated music. I never pirated music thinking to myself that I could get caught. This brings me back to my first point. Why would I never steal a mere 25 cent candy bar from the grocery store? Obviously, I knew it to be wrong, but I also was afraid of being caught and punished. Why do we not act like Lincoln? Because when we lie, we usually lie without fear of losing a person's trust, being punished, or getting hit with a backlash.

In this case, it is clear we have failed to internalize the principle of honesty. Interestingly enough, this problem doesn't seem to be as prevalent with other principles of the gospel. I don't think twice about paying my tithing, fasting, going to church, reading my scriptures, being of service to others, etc. Honesty lingers in the back as a "forgotten principle," a principle easily set aside and labeled as "malleable."

We must learn how to internalize honesty. "What would Jesus Do?" can become for us something more than a cliched phrase, if we let it govern our lives, include our everyday dealings with others. I think the Lord cares a lot about honesty (temple recommend, anyone?).

The (proper) Foundation for a Testimony of Christ

Easter Sunday is fast approaching, and I have been trying to commemorate the week's events by reading all 4 accounts of the Savior's last week of his mortal ministry in the New Testament. It is amazing to me just how much transpired in one short week, especially considering we have no account whatsoever of one of the seven days (Wednesday), which is something very interesting in and of itself. That, however, is another topic for another time.

As I have been reading, I have asked myself, how do I know? How do I know Jesus walked on earth, then died and was resurrected? How do I know He can save me from my sins? How do I know He appeared next to our Father in Heaven in a grove of trees to Joseph Smith in 1820? How do I know the book Joseph produced, the Book of Mormon, is a true book?

I began to make a list in my notebook of elements of my testimony that have foundational potential. Some, I discovered to be akin to building a house on a sandy foundation, but others, I found to be rock solid. First, let's talk about some Sandy Foundational Elements that should only be considered supplemental to a true foundation:

- Testimonies of others (family members, trusted associates, members of the community that display Christlike love, service, and charity)

- Love of social aspects of church activities (the desire to be social with ward members for the sake of being social, evidenced by lack of reverence at church, etc.)

- Testimony of miracles witnessed due to the exercising of Priesthood Power

*This third one seems to be a bit deceptive. For example, you are very likely to hear this from someone: "I know this is God's church because my brother was sick, so we had a fast for him, and he miraculously recovered." Did the priesthood work in this case? Yes. Was it a miracle? Of course. Is it a testimony to the divine power of the priesthood? Absolutely. However, what if he doesn't recover? What if his recovery is not in accordance with God's Will, and you witness his passing? If this is your foundation, what then? A sure foundation must allow you to have faith in God's Plan for you, even if prayers seem to go unanswered, and miracles pass you by. Thus, this cannot be foundational.

So what, then, is foundational? What should I base my testimony upon, my testimony of KNOWING?

- Moroni 10 is a good place to start. Receiving a personal witness thru prayer of the divine authenticity of the Book of Mormon is a vital, irreplaceable first step in building a strong foundation.

- Testimony of the First Vision and Joseph's divine mission on this earth, as well as a personal witness that Thomas Monson is the Lord's Prophet today

- Feeling cleansed via the Repentence Process

- Feeling the pure love and meditative Spirit that is EXCLUSIVELY felt in the Temple

- Feeling the love of God when you feel most alone

There are more I could list, methinks. However, I would like to point out that they all have one thing in common: they rely on personal, prayerful feeling. It's not logic. It's not brain surgery. It's not metaphysics. It seems that this epistemological question of knowledge can only be attained through personal, heartfelt prayer (and effort).

So, this brings me back to my original question: how do I know? How do I know that the Savior was resurrected on the third day and that I can live with my family, sealed for time and all eternity? I know this because of what I have FELT. Such a surefire witness cannot be bullied, bludgeoned, or betrayed. It cannot be undermined by word games, logic traps, or endless "what if" or "why" questions. I cannot deny a personal witness I have felt due to the power of the Holy Spirit.

And there you have it.

Jimmer and his Legacy?

Well, it's over. The Jimmer Coaster fell off the tracks near the peak, killing all that were riding.

Now comes the question: how good was Jimmer? What kind of legacy has he cemented at BYU?

I'm here to argue that Jimmer left about as much legacy as Deron Williams left the Jazz.

Let's consider the facts. Jimmer Fredette played his whole college career here at BYU, passing Danny Ainge to become BYU's all time leading scorer. He led us into the tournament two straight years, willing us to victory in the first year against Florida (well, thanks in large part to Michael Lloyd Jr.), then taking BYU to the Sweet 16, the closest BYU has been to reaching the final four since Ainge's miracle shot against Notre Dame. He will most likely be named the National Player of the Year, and he is looking at a good chance at being drafted in the lottery by the Jazz (although more of that may be due to ticket sales than how good he actually is).

So... what does that leave the fans?

Anyone who considers me a fair-weather fan of BYU (or the Jazz) obviously doesn't know me. I've bled with them my whole life. I watch every game, I follow every stat. I watch BYU compete, recruiting shortcomings and obstacles nonetheless, becoming one of the top college programs in the league. Just like I've watched the Jazz, year after year, exit the playoffs.

Is that good enough for us? Have we been so used to coming in second that we think a Sweet 16 run was magical? After watching Jimmer play one of the worst games of his career against Florida in a game we should have dominated, I can't say I'm happy. I can't say BYU had the best season I could ever possibly hope for. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I expected too much out of Jimmer. But was there a ceiling on his ability to play, considering his unlimited range and ability to get to the free throw range? Destiny, too, seemed on his side, for his porous lack of defense was compensated for by his running mate, Jackson Emery.

I've never been a fan of one player. I root for BYU. I root for the Jazz. Sure, I love(d) D-Will and Jimmer, but watching Jimmer hoisting the National Player of the Year trophy at the end of the year while watching Florida make the Final Four will leave no joy in my heart, no triumph in the fact that I cheered for him.

It seems like we Jazz/Cougars fans have become accustomed to second place. Right behind the Lakers, so close to the Elite 8, etc etc.

As for me, I will continue to believe that one day, BYU or the Jazz can break through. And until then, I'll never be satisfied, regardless of how many Players of the Year we have.

PS: I'm not sure how many players of the year have won the award with such a decisive lack of clutch shots.

BYU vs Florida, part II (and why I still Doubt)

Well, here it is. The biggest game in BYU history (at least, during my lifetime). BYU has managed to overcome every obstacle. They have faced down those that have doubted them (like me).

Let me explain my brain train in the past few weeks.

- BYU beats SDSU for the 2nd time (with Brandon Davies). At this point, there was actually hope of a final four appearance. ACTUAL HOPE.

- Brandon Davies suspended, UNM destroys us. The doubting starts.

- Tourney starts, Wofford up. Pull out a win, only because Wofford should actually be renamed Woeford. I fear the worst against a strong Gonzaga team.

- Gonzaga is cleared out of town by the Jimmer and co. I party.

Now, shouldn't I have reason to hope? To cheer? To be optimistic about our next game? Of course. However, allow me to lay out a few reasons why we may (and probably will) lose against Florida.

1. Rematch feelings run deep. Like no other team perhaps, Florida most likely wants to not only beat us, but shove us into the dirt, break our arms, kick us in sensitive areas, and elbow us in the head. Can you imagine the amount of adrenaline that will be flowing thru their veins? Granted, we are pumped as well, but I don't think we can equal their mustard simply because they were beaten by us and we haven't tasted defeat at their hands.

2. Roster shuffling. Here's a look at some of the key players BYU lost this year as compared to last year:

- Lamont Morgan Jr.
- Michael Lloyd Jr.
- Tyler Haws
- Johnathon Tavernari
- Chris Miles

Clearly, losing some of these guys (Tava Tava anyone?) made us a better team. However, anyone that disputes the fact that Michael Lloyd Jr. is the reason we made it to the 2nd round last year obviously didn't watch the game. (Plus, despite Miles' performance offensively, he did pose a much stronger defensive force than James Anderson can muster).

Now, let's look at Florida's roster losses as compared to last year:

- Dan Werner

Have you heard of him? Me neither. There's clearly a gap here.

3. Erving Walker. Out of all their players, he scares me the most. Who will guard him? Will a zone stop him? He has been torching opponents as of late, and I don't think we match up well AT ALL against him. I think Emery and Abouo can do good jobs on Boynton and Parsons, but Jimmer on Walker? Forget about it.

Well, there you have it. These are my 3 reasons for doubting our chances on Thursday.

Now, let me retort before you even have a chance. Obviously, all of you are shouting at me, "WE HAVE THE JIMMER." He is much better than he was last year. He can put up points on any defense. Understood. I agree wholeheartedly.

Jimmer not only has to have a good game to overcome these obstacles; he has to have a GREAT game (shoot at least 60%, get to the free throw line 10 times, 5 dimes, 5 boards). To me, this has been too variable to depend on. Clearly, in this regard, I am correct, as no real basketball team (except a certain Bulls team led by MJ) has ever gone the distance relying on one player. And Jimmer, despite how great he is, is not MJ.

Regardless... he could score 50. If so, the Gators are in for a long day.

Jimmer and Jerry: Clearing the Air

I am writing this post with no time for writing, but I must speak my mind.

First, the issue of J-Freddette.
I write this knowing that none of you reading this would ever question my allegiance to BYU. You would truly be hard-pressed to find a bigger BYU fan, despite my thoughts about Bronco, BYU football, and some other "critical" remarks I may have made in the past. With that being said...

Jimmer-mania is detrimental to the team's progress towards the tournament.

How good is Jimmer? I would submit he is the best player since Danny Ainge to don a BYU jersey, perhaps better. I can't BELIEVE how good he is. It is unreal how good he is. But how can increased publicity and fan-atacism over him be positive? Here is a pro's and con's list about Jimmer-mania (fueled, largely, by a fan base that didn't know a single thing about college basketball before they heard the name Jimmer and therefore didn't know what they were actually doing):

Pros:
1 - Jimmer Fredette lives up to the hype, takes us all the way to the Final Four, and becomes more than a legend.
2 - Provo re-names University Ave. "Jimmer Jammer Boulevard".

Cons:
1 - Since when has any player not named Michael Jordan lived up to his hype? Jimmer-mania creates an inflated ego in Jimmer, and he fails in the eyes of many to live up to unreachable expectations.
2 - Jimmer's "team" decides it truly is a one-man show, and fail to even put their jerseys on come March.
3 - Defenses get so sick of Jimmer-mania, they set out to defeat him (this CAN be done, as evidenced against Kansas St. last year).
4 - BYU loses in the first round.

Granted, some of those things will hopefully never happen, and Jimmer may carry us anyways. I guess my point is to exercise a bit of caution until April. Let's get to the Sweet 16 before putting his face on our desktop. So far, he has done NOTHING for BYU, save win us 1 tournament game against Florida in 2ot. March is where heroes are made - the regular season is still just regular. So let's all cool it until then, hopefully aiding him in the process (after all, winning is a lot harder when you are supposed to win).

Issue #2: Jerry Sloan

I called Ippy yesterday to inform him of the startling news, and we just sat there in stunned silence. I felt like I had just been told someone had died. Literally. The press conference felt like a funeral. Sloan. I have never known another coach. He is the voice of stability, of grit, of heart, and of giving your best.

However...

Let's face it. By the numbers, the Jazz suck. SUCK. Nearly last in the league in Defense, one of Sloan's calling cards. Offensive efficiency has plummeted. We can't hit a 3-pointer if our lives depended on it. And D-Will is upset.

So what do you do? Do you let Sloan keep coaching until the year is over, then dump him and hope D-Will hasn't already bought a home in NY?

I think we made the right decision. There was an obvious disconnect between coach and players, and at this point, I choose players. I know not everyone agrees with this, but consider this. Jerry had maybe one or two more years in him, tops. We were due for a change anyways. True, it was a bit unceremonious, but man alive, how unceremonious would it be to exit after an ugly season? We would just have kept tumbling down the standings.

In conclusion, I see two possible scenarios:

1 - Utah sucks the rest of the season, just like they did before, only worse now. The world sees that D-Will is overrated, that it is ok in Utah to not like him, and to trade him. We start over from scratch next season (and I go into hibernation until we make the playoffs again - this could be UGLY).

2 - Utah starts to win again. Ty Corbin allows D-Will to act as a bit of a player-coach (like LBJ) and run things (literally running hopefully), and we cruise into the top 4 in the West. We make a respectable playoffs run, and everyone decides that D-Will is unbelievably good. At that point, we all decide it was a great idea to let Sloan go.

There you have it. I don't see it playing out any other way. Either we Cruise or we Lose. But I would say, in ANY situation, you choose players over coach. Time will tell if I am right or not.

Needless to say, maybe they will mic up Ty Corbin for ESPN games (considering he doesn't swear as much as Jerry) instead of Odom.

The Top 10 Signs of a Sucky Party

These are tell-tale signs. Make sure your party avoids these disastrous potholes.

10 - The ratio of guys:girls is blatantly unbalanced.
9 - Food is nonexistent, or in scarce amounts.
8 - Most of your guests walk in and realize, sadly, that they don't know anybody. The rest of the party, then, will feature plenty of awkward staring and silence.
7 - The party starts before 8.
6 - You model your party after the "PDP," or Provo Dance Party, featuring music that is WAY too loud, sucky, and you decide to turn the lights off, further alienating any chance for people to meet other people at your party (which, after all, is the reason most parties are attended).
5 - That night, there is an ENORMOUS Jazz game or other sporting event, and you fail to show it on your TV in some room.
4 - You decide to invite every single person you know on Facebook, and they all come.
3 - Your parents come.
2 - You choose to have no music or movie playing, hoping instead that the sounds of conversational pleasantries will fill the air.
1 - You never have parties. Because you are lame.

There you have it. Feel free to add your own items. Hopefully, we can eradicate, through a concentrated effort, sucky parties.

Why? Because no one should have to ask, as they walk to a party, whether or not it will be a waste of time, an awkward experience, or unfulfilling in any other manner. No one should have to live their life in fear.

Lessons Learned from The Alchemist

I recently finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and I was pleased by the quick, light read it was, while still being able to glean some life lessons from the book.

The Alchemist is a story about a young shepherd living in Andalusia (old Spain) when he meets King Melchizedek, who tells him about a treasure awaiting the young shepherd by the Pyramids in Egypt. The shepherd leaves his flocks (and the comforts of his lifestyle) and heads to a foreign land with a foreign language and crosses the Sahara Desert in order to reach his treasure. Along the way, he meets an abundance of hardships, trials, and other challenges, but he also meets the Alchemist, who teaches him certain life lessons that allow him to succeed in his quest.

The plot of the book is really just a gateway for the author to present his ideas, in mostly proverbial form. Coelho, it turns out, had similar life experiences, where he abandoned his normal life goals in pursuit of his lifelong dream, to become a writer. I was fascinated by the primary purpose of the book - that when we undertake to fulfill our dreams and aspirations, the entire universe conspires to help us achieve it. Things really seem to fall into place when we actually work towards something. However, this obviously requires no small effort on our part.

The other purpose of the book seems to all revolve around self-betterment. "Fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand." I like this idea. We are not anomalies. No man is an island unto himself, but instead, we can learn from those around us (including those preceding us) and become better in the process by removing our fears about life.

The Alchemist says at one point in the book, "That's what Alchemists do. They show that,
when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too." John Donne would agree with this.

Finally, near the end of the book, we learn this: "No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it." If you struggle with self-worth, this may seem to help. I think insignificance is a problem we all face, and we all yearn for some feeling of importance.

Anyways, in a nutshell, I would recommend this book to anyone, especially to those who enjoyed the similar book The Little Prince. Plus it's a quick read, so that's a bonus.

New Years Resolutions (And So Can You!)

Christmas! December! The great month of contemplation, inspiration, and good spirits. Positivism roots out any sort of "I can't do it" attitude, and the spirit of the month kicks the idea that you will perpetuate bad habits into January right in the toosh. (This picture is intended to give you an idea of how I approach the month of December, with courage in my heart and a contemplative attitude of becoming a better person going forward - Are you inspired yet?)

Ah, but then comes the dreaded months of January, February, March... and everything goes out the window. What of your goals? Your hopes? Your bad habits? If you are like me at all, this Decembrist Attitude lasts the same amount of time as a hot date - not nearly long enough. Eventually, I grind out the year, and I find myself back in December. The cycle repeats itself.

Well, I'm sick of it. I have a new plan. I feel that the biggest problem I face is that I don't maximize my productivity. I find too many hours in the day unplanned, disorganized, and full of opportunities for idleness. But is the answer working harder? I recently finished a book where the author claimed that our parent's generation spends 100 hours more per year than the generation before them at work. The world demands productivity, and the people of the world use MORE as the way to satisfy the demands of the world.

I, however, have a better idea. I think there are ways in which you can maximize productivity without necessarily putting more time on your punch card. Here are 5 suggestions, and explanations behind each one (due to the fact that you may feel like these are things you would have to cut out to achieve your new years resolutions):

1. Spend more time in bed and in the kitchen while obeying D&C 88 and 89.

Time is more effective when you are healthy and rested. The green drink has been my remedy for my annual sickness, and there is serious decline in productivity whenever you are tired and sick. Or sick and tired...

2. Find time to exercise.

This is another classic good idea that goes out the window when you become too busy. Exercise leads to being healthier, but it also creates a sense of self-confidence that you can't get any other way. Self-confidence clearly will result in greater productivity.

3. Get yourself a Planner and a Notebook.

I am giving up my lifelong vendetta against planners. I realize the only way to actually eliminate idle hours is by planning all of them out. Planners also allow for the occasional entertainment escape, like a Jazz game or a movie. As for notebooks, I have found that when I have good ideas, I usually forget them, but with a notebook around, those ideas get WRITTEN down. Crucial. I love being able to write in a notebook at any possible moment.

4. Turn off the TV and keep yourself out of idle zones.

The classic college blunder? Spending too much time in your apartment, around a small (or increasingly large) black box that can suck your life away. Sportscenter seems harmless, right? Wrong.

5. Goals, goals, goals.

Write them down, set them both long-term and short-term, and plan them out via planner. Write them somewhere you can see them every day. Hold yourself accountable through prayer, discussion of your goals with friends and family, and other self-inflicted punishments or rewards if you reach or fail to reach them.

There you have it. I would also add that you MUST find time for God every day, another "drain" on your time, it may seem, but clearly finding time for the Lord will result in blessings.

A Tribute to Audio Tours

Tourist. Tourist. Tourist! Audio tours scream Tourist. And, as we all know, NO ONE wants to be labelled as a tourist. As Indiana Jones once stated about his good friend Dr. Marcus Brody, the goal is to blend in so that no one even notices. Tourists, after all, get taken advantage of. And Audio Tours? Come on. Can you choose a more cheesy label? Can humans look any more gullible, any more naive, than wandering around a building or site with headphones on, ne'er noticing the ground in front of them?

This was how I felt for years regarding audio tours. I didn't want the extra information - instead, I just wanted to look and read things. I wanted to look more "normal" as a tourist - I didn't want to stick out like a large group of Asian tourists, what with their cameras and translators (you all know what I'm talking about).

But then, I realized the beauty of audio tours. In France, we found audio tours in English that greatly enhanced the visit. I never realized how enjoyable the audio tour could be, how much added information could lift the tourist's experience from "yeah, we saw that building," to "yeah, we saw that building; did you know this and this and this!". In New York, we once again dabbled with the audio tour, and once again, I was pleasantly surprised. True, I may have sacrificed a bit of self-dignity and a chance to get a fellow tourist to smile at me by wearing those goofy looking headphones, but it was well worth it.

In closing, I restate my argument. If you are going to travel for miles to visit some site or building, you might as well glean as much as you can out of that visit. Sometimes, sticking out is well worth the price.