The elusive question: Greatest Band Ever?

For the past few years, I have had many animated discussions with close friends in regards to this question: Who is the Greatest Band of All Time?

I'm determined to answer this question. Clearly, this is going to be based merely on opinion, so I can't state any of my opinions (although heaven knows many of my opinions SHOULD be facts).

I was going to list a bundle of statistics that prove my point, as well as countless quotes from musicians and artists that would all concede the same point I'm trying to make, but I'd rather take a more unconventional approach. I will simply complete this statement: Your band is the greatest band of all time when... (here you go)

1 - All 4 members of your band (including the drummer) are recognizable and regularly referred to by their first name only

2 - You walk into a bookstore (NOT a music store, but a BOOKstore) and see an entire stand devoted to your band

3 - Your band name is more recognizable to fans than their own mother's name

4 - There have been multiple full-length feature films done revolving around your music (despite the lack of anything more, including depth, plot, and character development) and people actually watch it

5 - Entire movies (Across the Universe, I Am Sam) are scored with covers based entirely on your music

6 - Entire movies (Nowhere Man) are based on the popularity of a member of your band

7 - Your band breaks up and each band member starts his own band with hits of his own (Band on the Run, Live and Let Die, Instant Karma, Imagine, My Sweet Lord, It Don't Come Easy, to name a few)

8 - In less than 10 years, your band records more hit songs than any band has ever had (I'll go toe to toe with you here if you wanna dispute this - they just have MORE HITS than anyone)

9 - When men's hair gets a little long, people often comment, saying such things as "Hey, Ringo!" or "You look like George Harrison!"

10 - Your band creates bands of its own (Sergeant Pepper)

Now, I will admit, this band I am talking about (I will continue to let it remain nameless) had some serious advantages. Bands came later in the 70s, 80s, and even the 90s had to deal with more competition than the Beatles (oops!) ever had. However, it's hard to imagine a time period in which the white noise surrounding the musical landscape could have possibly drowned out Let It Be, Ticket to Ride, and A Day in the Life (perhaps the greatest song of all time?).

I am very excited to hear feedback, along with how you could possibly dispute this claim.