Tuesday, October 26, 2010

the Danger of finding A Right One, not The Right One

I have recently discovered something about dating, that I was discussing with Dan last night.

In my interviews, I have discovered that very few people hold to the "Saturday's Warrior" notion that there is The One out there for you to marry; instead, the majority of interviewees believe that there are many people you can marry and be happy with.

I agree, but with a word of caution.

Say, for example, that I do believe there are many people I can be happy with. As I date, I realize that in order to find the person I want to marry, I have to BECOME the person they will want to marry. Finding and becoming in dating must go hand in hand. All of this is fine and good.

But say I want to take a break from dating and living the commandments for a period of time? I dabble with smoking, pornography, drugs, and I "checkout" of life for a year or so. Don't worry. I come to my senses, and after that year is over, I check back in, and get back on the correct path.

What of my lost year? No problem, because there are plenty of opportunities to meet women ahead of me. Sure, I may have missed out on some golden opportunities for marriage during that year of entertainment and promiscuity, but it's not like there is only ONE person out there for me to marry. I'll have plenty more options.

End narrative. I may be exaggerating the danger a bit (I don't think many people will actually "checkout" of dating), but I do see a danger even in taking dating a bit more casually. It seems like the idea of "the one" makes you more attentive and serious about every girl you date. After all, if you acidentally pass up "the one," the consequences could be disastrous.


  1. Agreed. The other side, or an equal danger, would be letting your efforts to find THE one become an obsession that prevents you from seeing other viable options.

  2. I think everybody has an urge to checkout at one time or another, and there are plenty of justifications to which one may resort, including what you've described. The implications of this are: your motivation to follow the gospel has to eventually be intrinsic, otherwise you'll probably find a reason to stop in the long run.

    I think this overlaps with the "sin now, repent later" attitude described in Nephi.

  3. Wow, I so envy your job-this is fascinating stuff. Hope all is going well...

  4. I am sorry to have to disagree with all of you. There is just one and only. You won't mess up finding that one because your Heavenly Father knows who that person is and will make sure you don't miss them.