Dan in Real Life.

Who am I? I'm nobody.

I recently heard this line from the movie Rango. Rango, upon being caught in the web of deception, finds himself at the point of nothingness. For me, however, the problem with this line in the movie was that it RESONATED. I could feel it gnawing at my insides, asking me to believe it. I soon began asking myself the same question: who am I?

It was easy for me to relate to Rango. Especially at this point in my life, when the following phrases had become much too common (raise your hand if you hear this too):

"chosen to go in a different direction..."
"looking for someone with more experience..."
"decided to go with a more qualified candidate..."
"regret to inform you..."
"will not continue the application process with you..."
"good luck in your future endeavors..."
"we genuinely appreciate your interest in applying..."
"unfortunately..."

Sound familiar? It's easy to sum up rejection, but tough to mentally reject the sum. Have you ever done poorly when you were sure you would excel? Do you wake up in the middle of the night and realize you are sleeping alone? Have you ever been at such an end of your wits that anything puts you in frantic "why me" mode? Are you tired of hearing the phrase "it will all work out"? Do you ask yourself what might have been, over, and over, and over...

This is Dan in Real Life. Forget the movie.

Recently, I had a couple experiences that made me re-evaluate my personal script. I was feeling especially down, when a friend helped me realize all the positives I was missing. I doubt she fully realizes how much this meant to me. After all, it's easy to be down. It's easy to forget. It's easy to be a victim. Her optimistic words helped me refocus and reconnect to reality. And quite literally, all she had to do was smile and say things were going to work out.

A few days later, I had the opportunity to spend time with another woman in my life who I admire and respect greatly. She has every opportunity and excuse in this life to go through life with her feet dragging along the floor. It is her right. It is what the world would expect. But she doesn't. There is power behind her courage, strength behind her optimism, and it was humbling to witness. I became empowered by her presence, as I watched someone who appreciated and gleaned everything she could out of REAL, UNIMAGINED LIFE.

I guess that's why the movie bothered me so much. They tried to portray a person "in real life," but everything worked out in the end for him - in fact, it worked out for everyone.

This doesn't bother me anymore. Life has a strange tendency to work out for the better. Thanks to the love and encouragement I have seen from my friends lately, I once again see this.

Who am I? I'm somebody.

Lessons from Sam

Today marks the 9th anniversary of the passing of my dear older brother, Sam. After a valient, year long battle with Lymphoma, Sam left us, but not forever. I look at pictures of him today, and I still see the brother I came to love, respect, and admire so very much. I REMEMBER him, so very well, even after nine years. Today I decided to jot down a few lessons he taught me (mind you, these are just a few - he taught me more than he could ever know).

1. "Put on those Afterburners!"
- Sam and I, as well as the rest of the Hess clan, shared an intense love for sports, which included playing and watching them. When I was 10 or so, Sam would go out in the backyard with me and play catch with the football. He was the QB, and he would trace routes on his hand for me to execute with exactness. I would diligently follow them as outlined. If, however, I missed the catch due to the ball being thrown too deep, Sam would yell, "Put on those afterburners!" as I returned to the huddle. Mentally, I kicked myself. I would put on those afterburners! Despite the fact that the throw was clearly too far (making it Sam's fault), I felt that I needed to work harder.

What on earth could I learn from this? I learned very quickly that Sam did not put up with my excuses, and neither would life in general. I learned not to become the victim, but to take responsibility for all my actions. I learned that if you want things in life, you have to get out and GET them. Mostly, however, I learned what it was like to have a brother who cared enough for me to play catch with me. Such a simple thing, but Sam was always going out of his way to spend time with me, especially when I was sick in the hospital. I remember being overjoyed whenever Sam would come to visit me, because I knew his visits would be fun. I saw in Sam an older brother who was willing to take me under his wing, so to speak, and teach me important life principles. All starting with the ol' Afterburners.

2. "Shake up Hell, baby!"
- Sam's catch phrase from his mission soon found its way into my mission labors, as I quickly learned what he meant. I can't tell you the number of times this phrase motivated me to work a little harder, a little smarter, then I would have without it. Sam had a firm testimony of Jesus that he never allowed to go hidden or unnoticed, and I now strive for the same goal. The restored gospel through the prophet Joseph Smith meant everything to him, as it means so much to me and my family.

3. "Don't look into the camera!"
- Anyone who knew Sam understood the importance of cinematography in his life. Sam loved movies, music, and productions of all sorts, including directing simple, sometimes violent, neighborhood films. I LOVED to take part in them. Sam made me feel so important and wanted, as I tried desperately to avoid looking into the camera during filming (probably his biggest complaint with me and all of my siblings, especially Julia). I learned how to be passionate about something, as I tried to emulate my older brother. I made movies of my own. I started my love affair (that is still ongoing) with movie soundtracks. I tried to find uplifting, GOOD music that wasn't just loud banging (although, I admit, I had my phase in high school where banging = GOOD). Indeed, so much of what I'm passionate about I HAVE to attribute to Sam's influence. Star Wars, the Utah Jazz, MJ, the Ben Folds, John Williams, fantasy novels (most notably Shannara), and many other things I am passionate about can all be traced back to Sam. I feel like it could even be considered a heritage of sorts, a mantle I am proud to carry.

4. "We don't have time for that."
- The day I found out Sam was to be put on hospice, I remember crying on my bed, trying to figure out how I was going to cope with this. In the midst of my weeping, I remember Sam coming into my room and putting his arm around me and consoling me (which seems so backwards! But that's how good he was). He said, "hey, we don't have time for that," and asked me if I would boot up the playstation so we could play some FIFA soccer. I remember being bewildered by his optimism - I couldn't imagine handling news like that so well. Sam taught me at that moment what it meant to cherish life to its fullness. I can scarcely remember seeing Sam waste time, even when the end was near. He really cared about life, and he enjoyed it. He fulfilled Lehi's words in the Book of Mormon: "men are that they might have JOY." Even in the midst of terrible pain and affliction, worse than even I could imagine, Sam kept a smile on his face and the love of God (bright with the testimony of Christ) in his heart. I have never doubted where he is today.

In summary, there are so many reasons why I love Sam. These are just a few. When I read the Alchemist recently, I saw a quote in the book that reminded me immediately of him:

"That's what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too."

To me, Sam was quite the Alchemist. And I will love him forever for it.

Superhero Movies: Ironman Syndrome

Well, here it is. My written defense statement as to why I didn't like Ironman. I have been absolutely BLASTED by my lack of interest in this movie, as it seems to be everyone's favorite. Common responses include, "Are you insane?" "Did you even WATCH it?" "Is there something wrong with your brain?" And on, and on, and on...

I will now explain Ironman Syndrome, the #1 reason why I didn't like Ironman (there are other reasons, but I won't delve into those at the moment).

In the last 5 years or so, Hollywood has become infatuated with superheroes. Batman, Spiderman, Superman, X-Men, Ironman, even the Fantastic 4 made an appearance. Some of these movies were epic (most notably the Batman reboot, as well as X2 and the latest X-men: First Class), while others were duds, including Ironman.

Ironman Syndrome, quite simply, is the tendency for superheroes, at the climax, to fight himself at the end of the movie. Lack of originality, "sticking to the book," and sucky directors can all be responsible for this, but the effect is the same: anti-climatic. How can Ironman be considered a good movie when the final villain is a larger, stronger version of Ironman, without much else in regards to modifications? Seriously, would it take much to create a different type of villain for Ironman to fight? (Not to mention the need for Penny to save Ironman's life, which is lame on so many levels).

Hulk suffers from the same thing. X-Men: Wolverine? Same problem. Ironman 2? Isn't it the same type of guy, but this time with a simply anti-climatic 5 second "battle?"

The Dark Knight, in contrast, shows the awesomeness of a villain done RIGHT. The Joker, in comparison to Batman, is NOTHING like the caped crusader, a difference which he himself acknowledges ("this is when an immovable object encounters an unstoppable force."). X-Men, too, usually leaves the viewers with beautiful battles between foes with very different powers and abilities. Can it be that hard to work into the Ironman script?

There you have it. Watch out for Ironman Syndrome in the future. It seems to be a favorite of cheap Hollywood directors. As for me, I'll continue looking for quality in Superhero movies.

Movies: King's Speech vs. Inception

Recently, I had the opportunity to finally catch The King's Speech (in the dollar - boom). The movie prompted a new theory I have regarding movies.

I think it's easy to quickly categorize movies into certain types. Some of the types I can list off the top of my head would include vulgar, sex-filled nonsense comedies, violent/gorey action movies, high school horror, animated comedies, chick flicks, etc. Notice, from this short list I have generated, you will RARELY (if ever) see a movie from one of these types up for Movie of the Year honors (imagine if Dude, Where's My Car? or The World Is Not Enough were ever nominated!).

Certainly, directors are aware, when they embark on a movie, that they are NOT going to be granted any awards, a knowledge they must have even prior to filming. They are filming these movies for a very particular reason, and it's not based on creating art (although I will admit you can argue this as the primary motive behind EVERY SINGLE movie, despite its artistic qualities): $$$. Sex, violence, horror, vulgarity, explosions, and terrific wall-to-wall action that is seemingly plotless SELLS. I admit, I sometimes love a good flick with no real storyline (see: Fast 5, Terminator Salvation).

Here's my point: I have left out two types of movies that seem to avoid the common traps of the above list, movies that can actually be considered for awards, movies that directors embark on in an EFFORT to be noticed as artistic. Some of these movies fail miserably, some of them perform admirably. I wish to talk about the two types of movies that perform admirably.

1 - Unreflective Virtuosos. You could compare the music of Mozart to these movies. These movies seem to challenge traditional cinematographic methods while maintaining a flavor of simplicity that is refreshing. Case-In-Point: The King's Speech. Simple plot, basic, easy-to-grasp characters, and fantastic dialogue characterize this movie, as you meander from scene to scene, not really ever waiting for anything to happen, but at the same time not checking your watch to wonder when it will end. The movie, simply, was simple. This has become quite a winnable way in recent cinema. Other movies I would add to this list of simplicity include The Social Network (very simple story, but an unbelievably fabulous Plot carries you through the movie), and Little Miss Sunshine, to name a few. Although complexity exists in these movies, it is not mind-bending, but it is thought-provoking, and refreshingly basic.

2 - Cerebral Structurer. Here is the other type of movie that seems to do well in the eyes of critics. Beethoven's symphonies were complex, deep in meaning, layered, and full of comprehension and understanding of the passion and feeling humans were capable of. His music is SUPPOSED to evoke those emotions (as compared with Mozart's, where a very different feeling, if any besides relaxation, is often felt). As for movies... Inception, anyone? A movie riddled with layers, forcing you to think, think, think, think! Success in cinema can be accomplished by more of a grand spectacle, so to speak, a movie that you wait in line for hours just to be the first to see. These include the Matrix, the LOTR's, the Gladiators, the Slumdogs, the Saving Private Ryans. Directors really pull out the stops, as they give you what you came for: epic entertainment that isn't sold as Cheap or Pastiche.

So there you have it. I would love to hear movies that have been Cream of the Crop and have avoided one of these two areas, because I really don't think it's possible. It seems that 95% of what Hollywood produces can be stuffed inbetween, as directors give way to apathy, writers succumb to lack of creativity and genius, and producers decide cost is not worth the product.

Hopefully, movies will be more like The King's Speech and Inception.

The Honesty Question

Today in church, we discussed the topic of honesty. I would say that of all the commandments that are the easiest to fudge and to fail to repent of, it would be honesty. How easy is it to tell a lie?

I have a few observations about honesty.

1 - Honesty is terribly undervalued, even in a society that "values" it. Abraham Lincoln is one of the most well-respected historical figures you will ever come across. One of his defining characteristics is that he was honest. Americans know the stories, and they value the stories. But are these values translated? Such hypocritical acts are reflected in politics, in the news, in sports, and in the everyday life of an American citizen and Christian. Clearly, there is a disconnect between learning about Lincoln and living like Lincoln? Why the disconnect? I would argue that the disconnect is a result of the success gained by living the alternative method while preaching pro-honesty. Simply put, society rewards the dishonest who pretend they are honest (until, like Nixon or Tiger, they are caught). There is no reward from being straight up dishonest or honest. You have to blend the two cleverly.

2 - This brings me to my second point. I have long wondered why many of my peers (myself included) would never even be tempted by the prospect of stealing a Charleston Chew from a grocery store, yet would freely pirate music. In my own personal experience, I used to justify my pirating ways by imagining the companies and the bands who were raking in the money anyways and thus it didn't matter if I didn't pay for their tunes. After all, I deserved the music! I didn't have money to buy it, and it was simple and easy to do.

There is, however, another reason why I pirated music. I never pirated music thinking to myself that I could get caught. This brings me back to my first point. Why would I never steal a mere 25 cent candy bar from the grocery store? Obviously, I knew it to be wrong, but I also was afraid of being caught and punished. Why do we not act like Lincoln? Because when we lie, we usually lie without fear of losing a person's trust, being punished, or getting hit with a backlash.

In this case, it is clear we have failed to internalize the principle of honesty. Interestingly enough, this problem doesn't seem to be as prevalent with other principles of the gospel. I don't think twice about paying my tithing, fasting, going to church, reading my scriptures, being of service to others, etc. Honesty lingers in the back as a "forgotten principle," a principle easily set aside and labeled as "malleable."

We must learn how to internalize honesty. "What would Jesus Do?" can become for us something more than a cliched phrase, if we let it govern our lives, include our everyday dealings with others. I think the Lord cares a lot about honesty (temple recommend, anyone?).

The (proper) Foundation for a Testimony of Christ

Easter Sunday is fast approaching, and I have been trying to commemorate the week's events by reading all 4 accounts of the Savior's last week of his mortal ministry in the New Testament. It is amazing to me just how much transpired in one short week, especially considering we have no account whatsoever of one of the seven days (Wednesday), which is something very interesting in and of itself. That, however, is another topic for another time.

As I have been reading, I have asked myself, how do I know? How do I know Jesus walked on earth, then died and was resurrected? How do I know He can save me from my sins? How do I know He appeared next to our Father in Heaven in a grove of trees to Joseph Smith in 1820? How do I know the book Joseph produced, the Book of Mormon, is a true book?

I began to make a list in my notebook of elements of my testimony that have foundational potential. Some, I discovered to be akin to building a house on a sandy foundation, but others, I found to be rock solid. First, let's talk about some Sandy Foundational Elements that should only be considered supplemental to a true foundation:

- Testimonies of others (family members, trusted associates, members of the community that display Christlike love, service, and charity)

- Love of social aspects of church activities (the desire to be social with ward members for the sake of being social, evidenced by lack of reverence at church, etc.)

- Testimony of miracles witnessed due to the exercising of Priesthood Power

*This third one seems to be a bit deceptive. For example, you are very likely to hear this from someone: "I know this is God's church because my brother was sick, so we had a fast for him, and he miraculously recovered." Did the priesthood work in this case? Yes. Was it a miracle? Of course. Is it a testimony to the divine power of the priesthood? Absolutely. However, what if he doesn't recover? What if his recovery is not in accordance with God's Will, and you witness his passing? If this is your foundation, what then? A sure foundation must allow you to have faith in God's Plan for you, even if prayers seem to go unanswered, and miracles pass you by. Thus, this cannot be foundational.

So what, then, is foundational? What should I base my testimony upon, my testimony of KNOWING?

- Moroni 10 is a good place to start. Receiving a personal witness thru prayer of the divine authenticity of the Book of Mormon is a vital, irreplaceable first step in building a strong foundation.

- Testimony of the First Vision and Joseph's divine mission on this earth, as well as a personal witness that Thomas Monson is the Lord's Prophet today

- Feeling cleansed via the Repentence Process

- Feeling the pure love and meditative Spirit that is EXCLUSIVELY felt in the Temple

- Feeling the love of God when you feel most alone

There are more I could list, methinks. However, I would like to point out that they all have one thing in common: they rely on personal, prayerful feeling. It's not logic. It's not brain surgery. It's not metaphysics. It seems that this epistemological question of knowledge can only be attained through personal, heartfelt prayer (and effort).

So, this brings me back to my original question: how do I know? How do I know that the Savior was resurrected on the third day and that I can live with my family, sealed for time and all eternity? I know this because of what I have FELT. Such a surefire witness cannot be bullied, bludgeoned, or betrayed. It cannot be undermined by word games, logic traps, or endless "what if" or "why" questions. I cannot deny a personal witness I have felt due to the power of the Holy Spirit.

And there you have it.

Jimmer and his Legacy?

Well, it's over. The Jimmer Coaster fell off the tracks near the peak, killing all that were riding.

Now comes the question: how good was Jimmer? What kind of legacy has he cemented at BYU?

I'm here to argue that Jimmer left about as much legacy as Deron Williams left the Jazz.

Let's consider the facts. Jimmer Fredette played his whole college career here at BYU, passing Danny Ainge to become BYU's all time leading scorer. He led us into the tournament two straight years, willing us to victory in the first year against Florida (well, thanks in large part to Michael Lloyd Jr.), then taking BYU to the Sweet 16, the closest BYU has been to reaching the final four since Ainge's miracle shot against Notre Dame. He will most likely be named the National Player of the Year, and he is looking at a good chance at being drafted in the lottery by the Jazz (although more of that may be due to ticket sales than how good he actually is).

So... what does that leave the fans?

Anyone who considers me a fair-weather fan of BYU (or the Jazz) obviously doesn't know me. I've bled with them my whole life. I watch every game, I follow every stat. I watch BYU compete, recruiting shortcomings and obstacles nonetheless, becoming one of the top college programs in the league. Just like I've watched the Jazz, year after year, exit the playoffs.

Is that good enough for us? Have we been so used to coming in second that we think a Sweet 16 run was magical? After watching Jimmer play one of the worst games of his career against Florida in a game we should have dominated, I can't say I'm happy. I can't say BYU had the best season I could ever possibly hope for. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I expected too much out of Jimmer. But was there a ceiling on his ability to play, considering his unlimited range and ability to get to the free throw range? Destiny, too, seemed on his side, for his porous lack of defense was compensated for by his running mate, Jackson Emery.

I've never been a fan of one player. I root for BYU. I root for the Jazz. Sure, I love(d) D-Will and Jimmer, but watching Jimmer hoisting the National Player of the Year trophy at the end of the year while watching Florida make the Final Four will leave no joy in my heart, no triumph in the fact that I cheered for him.

It seems like we Jazz/Cougars fans have become accustomed to second place. Right behind the Lakers, so close to the Elite 8, etc etc.

As for me, I will continue to believe that one day, BYU or the Jazz can break through. And until then, I'll never be satisfied, regardless of how many Players of the Year we have.

PS: I'm not sure how many players of the year have won the award with such a decisive lack of clutch shots.