The Top 10 Signs of a Sucky Party

These are tell-tale signs. Make sure your party avoids these disastrous potholes.

10 - The ratio of guys:girls is blatantly unbalanced.
9 - Food is nonexistent, or in scarce amounts.
8 - Most of your guests walk in and realize, sadly, that they don't know anybody. The rest of the party, then, will feature plenty of awkward staring and silence.
7 - The party starts before 8.
6 - You model your party after the "PDP," or Provo Dance Party, featuring music that is WAY too loud, sucky, and you decide to turn the lights off, further alienating any chance for people to meet other people at your party (which, after all, is the reason most parties are attended).
5 - That night, there is an ENORMOUS Jazz game or other sporting event, and you fail to show it on your TV in some room.
4 - You decide to invite every single person you know on Facebook, and they all come.
3 - Your parents come.
2 - You choose to have no music or movie playing, hoping instead that the sounds of conversational pleasantries will fill the air.
1 - You never have parties. Because you are lame.

There you have it. Feel free to add your own items. Hopefully, we can eradicate, through a concentrated effort, sucky parties.

Why? Because no one should have to ask, as they walk to a party, whether or not it will be a waste of time, an awkward experience, or unfulfilling in any other manner. No one should have to live their life in fear.

Lessons Learned from The Alchemist

I recently finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and I was pleased by the quick, light read it was, while still being able to glean some life lessons from the book.

The Alchemist is a story about a young shepherd living in Andalusia (old Spain) when he meets King Melchizedek, who tells him about a treasure awaiting the young shepherd by the Pyramids in Egypt. The shepherd leaves his flocks (and the comforts of his lifestyle) and heads to a foreign land with a foreign language and crosses the Sahara Desert in order to reach his treasure. Along the way, he meets an abundance of hardships, trials, and other challenges, but he also meets the Alchemist, who teaches him certain life lessons that allow him to succeed in his quest.

The plot of the book is really just a gateway for the author to present his ideas, in mostly proverbial form. Coelho, it turns out, had similar life experiences, where he abandoned his normal life goals in pursuit of his lifelong dream, to become a writer. I was fascinated by the primary purpose of the book - that when we undertake to fulfill our dreams and aspirations, the entire universe conspires to help us achieve it. Things really seem to fall into place when we actually work towards something. However, this obviously requires no small effort on our part.

The other purpose of the book seems to all revolve around self-betterment. "Fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand." I like this idea. We are not anomalies. No man is an island unto himself, but instead, we can learn from those around us (including those preceding us) and become better in the process by removing our fears about life.

The Alchemist says at one point in the book, "That's what Alchemists do. They show that,
when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too." John Donne would agree with this.

Finally, near the end of the book, we learn this: "No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it." If you struggle with self-worth, this may seem to help. I think insignificance is a problem we all face, and we all yearn for some feeling of importance.

Anyways, in a nutshell, I would recommend this book to anyone, especially to those who enjoyed the similar book The Little Prince. Plus it's a quick read, so that's a bonus.

New Years Resolutions (And So Can You!)

Christmas! December! The great month of contemplation, inspiration, and good spirits. Positivism roots out any sort of "I can't do it" attitude, and the spirit of the month kicks the idea that you will perpetuate bad habits into January right in the toosh. (This picture is intended to give you an idea of how I approach the month of December, with courage in my heart and a contemplative attitude of becoming a better person going forward - Are you inspired yet?)

Ah, but then comes the dreaded months of January, February, March... and everything goes out the window. What of your goals? Your hopes? Your bad habits? If you are like me at all, this Decembrist Attitude lasts the same amount of time as a hot date - not nearly long enough. Eventually, I grind out the year, and I find myself back in December. The cycle repeats itself.

Well, I'm sick of it. I have a new plan. I feel that the biggest problem I face is that I don't maximize my productivity. I find too many hours in the day unplanned, disorganized, and full of opportunities for idleness. But is the answer working harder? I recently finished a book where the author claimed that our parent's generation spends 100 hours more per year than the generation before them at work. The world demands productivity, and the people of the world use MORE as the way to satisfy the demands of the world.

I, however, have a better idea. I think there are ways in which you can maximize productivity without necessarily putting more time on your punch card. Here are 5 suggestions, and explanations behind each one (due to the fact that you may feel like these are things you would have to cut out to achieve your new years resolutions):

1. Spend more time in bed and in the kitchen while obeying D&C 88 and 89.

Time is more effective when you are healthy and rested. The green drink has been my remedy for my annual sickness, and there is serious decline in productivity whenever you are tired and sick. Or sick and tired...

2. Find time to exercise.

This is another classic good idea that goes out the window when you become too busy. Exercise leads to being healthier, but it also creates a sense of self-confidence that you can't get any other way. Self-confidence clearly will result in greater productivity.

3. Get yourself a Planner and a Notebook.

I am giving up my lifelong vendetta against planners. I realize the only way to actually eliminate idle hours is by planning all of them out. Planners also allow for the occasional entertainment escape, like a Jazz game or a movie. As for notebooks, I have found that when I have good ideas, I usually forget them, but with a notebook around, those ideas get WRITTEN down. Crucial. I love being able to write in a notebook at any possible moment.

4. Turn off the TV and keep yourself out of idle zones.

The classic college blunder? Spending too much time in your apartment, around a small (or increasingly large) black box that can suck your life away. Sportscenter seems harmless, right? Wrong.

5. Goals, goals, goals.

Write them down, set them both long-term and short-term, and plan them out via planner. Write them somewhere you can see them every day. Hold yourself accountable through prayer, discussion of your goals with friends and family, and other self-inflicted punishments or rewards if you reach or fail to reach them.

There you have it. I would also add that you MUST find time for God every day, another "drain" on your time, it may seem, but clearly finding time for the Lord will result in blessings.

A Tribute to Audio Tours

Tourist. Tourist. Tourist! Audio tours scream Tourist. And, as we all know, NO ONE wants to be labelled as a tourist. As Indiana Jones once stated about his good friend Dr. Marcus Brody, the goal is to blend in so that no one even notices. Tourists, after all, get taken advantage of. And Audio Tours? Come on. Can you choose a more cheesy label? Can humans look any more gullible, any more naive, than wandering around a building or site with headphones on, ne'er noticing the ground in front of them?

This was how I felt for years regarding audio tours. I didn't want the extra information - instead, I just wanted to look and read things. I wanted to look more "normal" as a tourist - I didn't want to stick out like a large group of Asian tourists, what with their cameras and translators (you all know what I'm talking about).

But then, I realized the beauty of audio tours. In France, we found audio tours in English that greatly enhanced the visit. I never realized how enjoyable the audio tour could be, how much added information could lift the tourist's experience from "yeah, we saw that building," to "yeah, we saw that building; did you know this and this and this!". In New York, we once again dabbled with the audio tour, and once again, I was pleasantly surprised. True, I may have sacrificed a bit of self-dignity and a chance to get a fellow tourist to smile at me by wearing those goofy looking headphones, but it was well worth it.

In closing, I restate my argument. If you are going to travel for miles to visit some site or building, you might as well glean as much as you can out of that visit. Sometimes, sticking out is well worth the price.

New York, I love you, but you're bringing me down...

(LCD Soundsystem song title)

Take a close look at this picture. Outraged? You should be.

20 bucks. That was the price required to board a ferry and view the Statue of Liberty. Am I missing something? Is this the product of unbridled capitalism? You would think, of ALL the national symbols and sites to visit in the United States of America, the one symbol that signifies for all the world Freedom and Liberty would be a FREE site to visit. Or maybe a couple bucks at most. But 20? I would love to visit the statue of liberty and be reminded of where I live, in a land that is proud of the freedom it defends and guarantees to its citizens. Instead, I realized my wallet was short by one Jackson. Lame.

BSU and the Cupcake, part II

Was I proven right by the Wolfpack? Yes.

Case Closed.

Boise St and the Cupcake

I am writing this post to set the record straight, for once and for all.

Boise St. is overrated. Period.

Here are the FACTS: Boise St. has played 2 quality schools since the season began. Virginia Tech was struggling at the beginning of the season, as evidenced by their loss to James Madison the following week. Oregon State has lost to pretty much every good team they have faced. The rest of the Broncos games? CUPCAKES. Give me a break.

I heard this kid the other day boldly declare the Boise St. would go undefeated in any other conference if they had the chance. It was at this moment that I knew he must be on some sort of strong, powerful narcotic that makes you not think clearly - a drug that most broncos fans seem to be smoking these days.

Let's ruminate for a bit on his statement. First conference to examine: SEC. Are you kidding me? Alabama played a brutal stretch of three straight games versus ranked teams, and they won 2 of them. Auburn? It's only a matter of time before they fall. You CANNOT go through a schedule like the SEC unscathed. Just won't happen. Every single week.

I would make similar arguments if BSU were in the Big 10, Big 12, or even the ACC. They would drop at least 1 game. And where would that put them? In the discussion with all the other one loss teams, NOT in the discussion with Oregon, MSU, Auburn, and other undefeated schools in quality conferences. Thus, at the end of the season, if there are three teams that are undefeated, and BSU is one of them, they should be the odd man out. Furthermore, if TCU were to be undefeated at the end of the season, they should leapfrog BSU for SURE, thanks to their big win in Salt Lake over Utah.

This nonsense must stop. For all you Boise St. fans out there, put a CORK in it until you join a bigger, more competitive conference - preferably one in which no school you play every year has the word "tech" in their title.

the Danger of finding A Right One, not The Right One

I have recently discovered something about dating, that I was discussing with Dan last night.

In my interviews, I have discovered that very few people hold to the "Saturday's Warrior" notion that there is The One out there for you to marry; instead, the majority of interviewees believe that there are many people you can marry and be happy with.

I agree, but with a word of caution.

Say, for example, that I do believe there are many people I can be happy with. As I date, I realize that in order to find the person I want to marry, I have to BECOME the person they will want to marry. Finding and becoming in dating must go hand in hand. All of this is fine and good.

But say I want to take a break from dating and living the commandments for a period of time? I dabble with smoking, pornography, drugs, and I "checkout" of life for a year or so. Don't worry. I come to my senses, and after that year is over, I check back in, and get back on the correct path.

What of my lost year? No problem, because there are plenty of opportunities to meet women ahead of me. Sure, I may have missed out on some golden opportunities for marriage during that year of entertainment and promiscuity, but it's not like there is only ONE person out there for me to marry. I'll have plenty more options.

End narrative. I may be exaggerating the danger a bit (I don't think many people will actually "checkout" of dating), but I do see a danger even in taking dating a bit more casually. It seems like the idea of "the one" makes you more attentive and serious about every girl you date. After all, if you acidentally pass up "the one," the consequences could be disastrous.

Sports Pride.

President Uchtdorf finally approached the issue head on. He answered the question I have had for years: How much is too much, when it comes to rooting for your favorite team?

I would like to speak candidly about the subject.

In the year 1998, the Utah Jazz reached the NBA Finals, only to lose to the Bulls for a second straight year, despite having home court advantage and two future hall of famers. This was devestating on my family. My brothers cried. My mom refused to ever let herself become a fan ever again. My dad can no longer watch the Jazz if they get down by more than 10 points. I was only 12 at the time, so I was affected much less than my older siblings, but still heartbroken. The pain lasts even to this day.

In the year 20o5, BYU went on the road on a snowy evening to Boise St., to play on the famed smurf turf. Boise St. rarely loses there, if ever. BYU drove down to the 30 yard line, in the snow, and had a chance at the end of the game to win it on a field goal by Matt Payne, one of our greatest kickers. He missed. I walked out of my dorm room, speaking to no one, threw open the balcony door, and screamed. For a long time, I screamed. I HATED the Broncos.

More recently, in 2008, the Utah Jazz defeated the Houston Rockets in the first round of the playoffs, a year after making it to the conference finals. Next up: the Lakers. This would be the first of three straight years of playing (and losing to) LA in the playoffs. This was our best fight. We won games 3 and 4 to even the series at 2-2. In game 5, the Refs clearly whistled in a way that Staples' crowd was pleased (let us not forget Odom's waltz down the middle of the lane, dunk, and somehow an and-one called on boozer). We lost by only a few points, then lost by 3 points in game 6. I was devestated. After game 5, I left the apartment to walk around Provo by myself for a while. In 2009, we lost again to LA, this time in 5 games. IN 2010, despite some good play against Denver and competitive games in Games 1 and 3, we were swept by Kobe and Co. To say I hate the Lakers is an understatement.

Many of you may have been wondering how I took to hear Pres. Uchtdorf's comments. Here's the way I see it. Sports, to me, is one of only a few remaining forms of entertainment that can still be considered "good." It has not (at least, for the most part) been defiled by Hollywood, corruption, and "sex to sell." However, I admit that you can go overboard. Screaming off the top of the dorms? Overboard. Crying after a jazz loss? Overboard. Pride is a dangerous issue when it comes to sports.

The two dangers I see sports posing to our humility is this:

1 - The pride you have for your team becomes so intense that you do not only hate the players on an opposing team, you hate their personal lives, their families, and their fans. Max Hall can comment on this. I can no longer be hostile towards Lakers fans (except for Jack Nicholson, perhaps). I still believe I can dislike the team, but not everything about it.

2 - The real danger, I believe, is what Pres. Uchtdorf said about allowing the pride you have in your team to spill over into other aspects of your life. For example, my little brother once was telling me a story about a girl he met Freshman year. She was a babe, she loved sports, and she really liked him. I asked him, dumbfounded, what the hold up was. He responded, "Dan, she's a Lakers Fan!" I admit, half of me boiled with unbridled rage. I wanted to tear her limb from limb, and I didn't even know her! But the other, sane half of me reprimanded my little brother for allowing his passion for the Jazz to boil into his dating. THIS is the danger. Sports pride can turn into real hatred for others we know.

I guess that was where his talk hit home. I can no longer allow my pride to spill over into other aspects of my life. Yes, I will still watch nearly every Jazz game, root passionately for them, and extremely dislike the Lakers. But hopefully my new approach to the games will allow me to treat Lakers fans (unfathomable as it may seem) with less hostility. They are, after all, people.

Comments?

Lions, Tigers, and Muslims... oh my!

I'm writing this post as a response to this video my brother Jake sent to me. He is surprisingly a big fan of John Stewart's Daily Show. Despite some crass humor, I think you will get the message quite quickly.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-september-16-2010/rally-to-restore-sanity

After watching the clip, read on.

The so-called 9/11 mosque has, in my opinion, finally turned on a lightbulb inside the heads of many "seventy to eighty percenters," as Stewart puts it, as to the radical nature of political activism in the past 10 years. Sanity is being bullied over by angered mobs, due to real national calamities (like the BP oil spill) as well as really exaggerated national "issues" (such as the mosque). The interesting thing about radicalism throughout history is that it has ALWAYS been the voice to be heard most of the time, due to its nature. The very definition of radicalism requires activism, protest, and outcry. The question, then, that has plagued moderates through history is How Can We Be Heard Above All This Racket?

Taking another lesson from history (which I hope will catch on), I find some solace in the fact that moderates usually win out. After all, everyone eventually prefers a calming of the waters instead of a continuation of the storm. However, this may not always be the case. Radicalism in may forms has led to such devastation and horror as Bartholomew's Day, Robespierre's Guillotione, and the Battle of Stalingrad. It seems to me that a dangerous result of unchecked radicalism is atrocious human behavior.

Furthermore, as we realize that the catalysts of radicalism include calamities and natural tragedies, as well as religious issues, we realize from the scriptures that the amount of reactant in this chemical formula will only increase. Radicals will have more to be radical about. So I ask again: how can we stem the tide?

To me, the only answer is moderate activism. And no, those two words do not form an oxymoron. Personally, I have never felt it necessary to get involved in the political climate. I guess I never have seen the need to do so, nor have I felt like any of my actions would result in any visible consequence.

There must be a way, though.

Your thoughts.

BYU Football... Conspiracy?

Well, it all worked out. BYU's 2 QB situation finally came to a close, with both parties being satisfied. After sacrificing 2 games to the system, Bronco finally has 1 QB in Jake Heaps. He is the QB everyone wanted at the beginning. He is the QB of the future. He is the QB that has the BYU-patented passing arm.

Riley Nelson, on the other hand, also finished his career at BYU on a high note. He injured his throwing shoulder. Surgery required, he will not play for the rest of the season.

Convenient, isn't it? For Nelson to injure his throwing shoulder at this moment? Almost TOO convenient, I would say. Doesn't this scream conspiracy? This just seems too good to be true. I want proof that he actually has surgery. I want to see him in pain. I want to see the play he was injured on.

I argue that he indeed was NOT injured last week. Instead, Bronco approached him and said, "look, we are not going to start you anymore. So you can either way this shoulder sling, or go out as a failure at QB." What option do you think he would have taken?

The Truth About Bronco

It's about time we talk about or beloved coach. Bronco Mendenhall, who has been hailed as the savior of the program (after the dark days of the Crowton era), has risen as BYU's Lavell Edwards reincarnated, to return BYU football to the glory days of old.

Or has he?

In this blog, you will find evidence that or beloved Coach Mendenhall has only returned the Y to known days of mediocrity.

Evidence #1: Bronco's defensive minded sets. Bronco has been a defensive coordinator most of the time before heading over to BYU. So, I ask the question... what happened? Amnesia? Did he forget all his good defensive sets? Sure, you can argue or athletes are inferior due to the pressures of recruiting at an LDS school, but come on. When Utah puts 50 points on you, that's embarassing. When FSU blows you out at home by 30 points and your defensive players are blaming the newly installed turf for the blowout, you have problems. And the problems start at the top. Sure, or offense (usually) looks great. He's done a good job keeping the BYU offense alive (keeping Robert Anai too). But everyone who watched the Air Force game last Saturday knows Bronco is being outcoached by offensive schemes.

Evidence #2: The Vegas Bowl. Those are 3 words, as an avid fan, that I'm tired of hearing. And I'm even MORE tired of people being excited about going. College Football has evolved into the haves and the have-nots. The only way you become a Have is by going to the BCS. Anything less than this must be considered failure. Despite this, many cheer the Vegas bowl as some sort of excellent option, and yet, is this all we want? Are we satisfied with this mediocrity? No. The bottom line is that Bronco Mendenhall does not know how to win the big games. He does not know what it will take to take us the distance. Wittingham did it. Urban Meyer did it. Chris Peterson did it. Heck, TCU can even make the BCS. Until Bronco proves to me that he can crash the party, he can't sell me on the idea that we should keep him.

Evidence #3: The 2 QB dibacle. In the history of football, you can hold up on 1 hand the number of times a 2 QB system was effective and successful. On one hand! The way Bronco has handled the situation has also clearly displayed how much of the idea was his. Clearly, the 2 QB method is his baby. He will stand or fall with it. Against Washington, we got lucky. Both QB's played well in front of a home crowd. However, AFA revealed how disastrous the system could be. Nelson played almost the entire game (which left many fans, including myself, screaming at the TV for Bronco to put in the passing quarterback, which, for some INEXPLICABLE reason, he chose not to) without success. The BYU offense, which usually looks at AFA the way a boxer looks at a punching bag, mustered 14 points, while or defense got outclassed, outsmarted, and outmuscled. Overall, it was embarrassing.

It's time for this madness to end. It's time to bring in a fresh mind, a coach who isn't afraid to pull out the stops and not fear 1 or 2 losing seasons in order to achieve true greatness. A coach who actually understands defenses. A coach who hates going to the Vegas Bowl. A coach who will start Jake Heaps, for crying out loud, or at least play him when Riley Nelson is clearly doing nothing for us.

And don't you dare criticize my fanhood. I'm as big a fan as BYU football as you will ever meet. Which is why I must proclaim the truth about Bronco. And the truth shall set you free...

Football is King - Noah or Benjamin?

Ah yes. Yesterday was a glorious day. Football is back. Although the Utes won the game, the fact that college football (soon to be followed by the NFL) is back sent joy into my heart once again. I suffered through an agonizing summer (although richly helped by the World Cup) of 2000 baseball games and an occasional world championship basketball game and tennis match. Finally, football is back...

Now on to my topic. BYU recently decided to become an independent in their football program at the sacrifice of every single other sports program. Why? Why shortchange ALL your other sports for one sport? Because football is king. Because football = money.

Is this a good thing? BYU will undoubtedly make more money as an independent than as a conference member in the MWC (consider one example: their new TV contract with ESPN will allow most of their games be televised on ESPN instead of the mountain. The Mountain network gave the school around 1.5 million dollars per SEASON, while ESPN will be paying BYU around that much money to televise a single game.). It is clear, then, that football runs the show at BYU.

In America, BYU is a microcosm of what makes the sporting world go round. It comes to no surprise that the Super Bowl is the most important annual sporting event for the majority of American Sport Fanatics. So this begs the question... is this a good thing? Is the dominance of football healthy for our nation? Is football a king Noah or a king Benjamin?

Let's look at some of the pros. Football can act as a powerful catalyst for economic activity and consumer spending in many cities, especially cities that house an NFL team. The amount of revenue generated, to a large extent, is getting redistributed in the form of entertainment - people pay for football to happen, and in return, football happens, and people (for the most part) are satisfied. Sheer entertainment value is another possible benefit of football. It is (again, for the most part), a fun to watch, clean, enormously entertaining sport that puts talents on display.

But what of the cons? These seem to be easier and easier to list: unbelievable amounts of time and energy are wasted on this sport. The players themselves are payed ridiculous amounts of money. Football encourages rampant gambling, scandal, and the danger of presenting men like Ben Rothlisburger, Plaxico Burress, and Michael Vick as role models for kids to look at. Football cheerleaders wear less and less per year. Colleges spend more and more money on their fooball program instead of giving more money to their students and the academic facilities.

As a lifetime fan of football, I obviously don't want it to go away. But I do see a danger inherent in the presence of football at such a high level. And no, I have no solution for the problem.

As for now, though, I welcome the upcoming season (despite BYU's fatal decision to start 2 quarterbacks). With open arms.

Christopher Nolan.

In the past few weeks, I have watched 3 movies by Christopher Nolan - The Dark Knight, The Prestige, and Inception. Each one I watched trying to find common threads and reasons why I like his directing style so much. Here's what I have decided.

1 - each movie uses Michael Caine. Way cool. But on a more serious note, his choice of actors is superb. He does not shy away from really popular actors (Morgan Freeman, Christian Bale, Leonardo DiCaprio, Hugh Jackman), and yet he also chooses actors for characters that play decisive supporting roles in which you may have seen that actor in one or two movies beforehand, but not nearly enough to influence your opinion about him. Two examples of this are Arthur in Inception (played by Joseph Gordon-Leavitt) and Harvey Dent in Dark Knight (played by Aaron Eckhart). These actors are known, but not famous; and they fit their roles perfectly. Christopher Nolan can be credited then with an uncanny ability to fill his characters with actors who fit. This task seems way too hard for most directors (I mean, come on - who saw Nick Cage as Ghost Rider?). He has also benefitted from unseen dynamic performances, performances that knock your socks off, like Heath Ledger as the Joker, and Cyto in Inception. Sometimes the actor fits the mold impossibly well.

2 - Nolan's movies all feature spectacular cinematography, each according to the type of movie it is. Inception was breathtaking on so many levels. Who could have seen a city on top of another city, or a train careening through a street? Not to mention the Halo-like 3rd level, which was unbelievably cool. The Dark Knight was, well, unreal. The hospital scene actually featured a real building being blown up - credit Nolan for taking George Lucas-like consideration for real special effects and not just going to the computers for CGI.

3 - Nolan's movies (almost all of them) feature soundtracks composed by Hans Zimmer. This is comparable to Spielberg's reliance on John Williams, the Beethoven of movie soundtracks. Zimmer is Williams reincarnated, and the music only serves to support the movie (see tracks such as "Dream is Collapsing," "Time," and "Like a Dog Chasing Cars").

4 - Nolan's movies always leave you guessing, even if you know the outcome. The inherent problem with superhero movies is that you know how it is going to end. The superhero will come out on top, yada yada yada. However, Nolan's careful intertwining of the Joker and his madness throughout the Dark Knight left the audience (including myself) literally on their edge of their seat in suspense during the boat scene. The guessing happens throughout the movie, but never leaves you guessless. I was never completely lost in Inception.

5 - Nolan does not use pointless scenes as "filler." I recently saw a movie with Will Ferrell that included some scenes that were attempts to be funny, but had no bearing on the plot of the movie whatsoever. Nolan's films do not have these scenes. In fact, I was so aware of this fact that in Inception i was paying close attention to every single scene. Good thing, too; otherwise, I would have missed something.

6 - Nolan's films always include a Twist that, despite your best efforts, you do not see coming. Who pictured the last scene in the Prestige? Inception? Who saw Batman make the decision he did at the end? Not me. Stop being prideful and admit that you didn't either.

Those are just a few things I have noticed. I could go on. I hope to see this go on, and to see him continue at this position of prominence akin to Spielberg.

The Top 10...

Now that I have graduated, I can look back on my life at BYU and characterize what I liked and what I didn't like. I will use Letterman's top 10 format.

Top 10 things I DISLIKED about BYU:

10. APX hustlers.
9. Getting mobbed with flyers every time I walked from the WILK to the Library.
8. Mass Holiday Text Messages.
7. Mass emails from classmates who wanted notes from the previous class that they had missed.
6. Students who answered their phone OR other student's answers directed to the professor in class.
5. Students who asked questions in class just to make themselves sound smart OR attempted to blatantly contradict the Professor.
4. OCHEM.
3. BYUSA and their 7 dollar hot dogs.
2. The phrase "when I was on my mission..."
1. Utah Haters/Tools.

Honorable Mention: People who bear their testimony every month because it's their "goal"; loud neighbors; long lines; no close parking spots; shortchanging the students in athletics (see older post).

Top 10 things I LIKED about BYU:

10. An easily accessible weight room and basketball court (although crowded at times)
9. Lunches at the Cougareat (TB, anyone?)
8. SMASH!
7. On-Campus Jobs that were easily adjustable to my shifting schedule.
6. Affordable housing accommodations.
5. Intramurals.
4. Genuinely good, hardworking, friendly People.
3. HAROLD and the solace found inside his walls.
2. The Learning Environment, including unbelievably good professors.
1. It truly is a land flowing with milk and HONEYS...

There you have it. Feel free to add a list of your own.

A Story Describing why Provo is Cool.

This is a quick story of something funny that happened to me last night that illustrates a much deeper point.

I spent the evening last night in Provo, but I couldn't move into my new apartment yet so I had to find a buddy's couch or extra mattress to sleep on for the night. I called my old roommate Mark to see if he had space for me, which he did. He told me the apartment number (102A) in the Elms and that he would leave the door locked. Well, a certain female named Lindsay kept me out pretty late, so I arrived at the apartment after (I thought, at least) every one had gone to bed. Unfortunately, I forgot one thing... the apartment number. Was it 101A? I guessed. I tried the doorknob - open. I immediately lay down on the couch and fell asleep.

That morning, I awoke to the sound of a laptop next to me. One of the guys living there was typing on the couch next to me. I realized this was probably not Mark's apartment. This is the dialogue that ensued.

Me: "Uh, is this Mark Laney's apartment."
Him: "No..."
Me: "Oh. Shoot. I thought it was... oops."
Him: "No problem. You are welcome to use our couch."

It was that simple. An absolute stranger was sleeping on his couch (only doing so by entering his apartment in the middle of the night - intruder alert, anyone?), and he responded with a "no worries" attitude I wasn't expecting. I thanked him for letting me crash there, then headed out to the fieldhouse, where I showered and got ready for work (I know - I'm a homeless bum!).

This brings me to my point. Only in Provo could this happen, with such nonchalance as he handled it. Say what you will about Provo, about Utah. This place, however, is ridiculously people-friendly. I would have a hard time imagining this being ok if I were to try and slide into an apartment in, say, LA or Chicago. Most likely, I would be arrested. Or maybe they would just yell and tell me to get the (expletive) out of there.

Provo, indeed, is a nice place. Provo haters take the city for granted. And if they don't like it, maybe they can go elsewhere. I know quite a few homeless people who would let them cuddle up with them on the street in the middle of the night.

Chivalry is Dead...?

Recently, my a good friend of mine said no to two different guys who treated her poorly the first time around and attempted to pick up where they left off. The first spent many days at dinner with her (while they were dating) talking to one of his “bro”s on the phone for 15, 20 minutes. These bro talks, in his mind, seemed to outweigh the importance of being with her. Bro talks he probably had with his “bro”s every single night. One time, he went to pick her up with his buddy, and his buddy refused to get out of the front seat and let her sit in the front seat. The boyfriend said ne’er a word.

The second guy has some serious issues with the concept of “other people.” Even in his last dying request before she chose to go on a mission instead of date him, he said (and I quote): “I don’t want us to wonder forever what we could have had together… although I will say I’m not ‘smitten’ by you, and I don’t know if this will lead to marriage. I just feel so good being around you and I love how I feel when I’m around you…” Even in his final plea, he chose to focus on his own insecurities and how HE felt like the relationship would progress (I could imagine him saying after this final plea, “There you have it. The ball is in your court. Well, actually, the ball is still totally in my court, if that’s ok with you.”) I see here a complete failure on his part of respect and trust in the relationship, replaced by a selfish desire to “see what happens” instead of letting her serve a mission.

Another girl told me the other day that the last guy she dated was so into himself, she had to tell him one day that he had not asked about how SHE was doing that entire week. Perhaps he had become so wrapped up in himself, he forgot that he was dating someone.

This all applies (loosely, perhaps) to chivalry, in my mind. Too much have I heard chivalry defined in very strict terms: open the door for a girl, let the women be served food first, etc. etc. Is this really what chivalry is?

I was raised with a mother who never opened her own door. She always insisted that we act as gentlemen and open it for her. She was not acting in superiority, arrogance, or selfishness. She did it to teach me and my brothers one simple way in which to treat women. Frequent occurrences like this one played a huge part in helping my brothers and I develop a respect for women that can be referred to as “chivalry.” Women, to us, were not our “bros;” they deserved more. From what we said to how we acted to what we thought, women were to be treated with the utmost respect.

Did this always translate? No. I played my fair share of pranks on my sisters, and I have failed to get the door for my date a number of times. I guess my point is that too many times I hear chivalry regarded as outdated, unnecessary, and sometimes even irritating, when in reality chivalry, like virtue, should be protected, fostered, and encouraged. Gone should be the days where a girl sits at dinner while her boyfriend talks to his buddy on the phone for 20 minutes about the next Jazz game.

I’ll sum up my new definition of chivalry as thus:

Chivalry is the internal respect of women translated into external behavior.

I’m really curious about how you guys would define chivalry, so feel free to chime in.

How much does BYU love its student body?

Not nearly as much as you would think.

I provide in the following text an example of how BYU shortchanges its students.

This summer, I signed up for a basketball class, because I had to make sure I was a full-time student (6 credits). The half credit class is scheduled on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4-5:50 p.m. On most days, we end up getting kicked out of the gym at 5:45, however. Why, you ask? So that they can set up for aerobics that starts at 6.

Am I missing something here? Are we hooligans in the gym, getting kicked out because we are in the way? NO. I daresay you would NEVER see a professor kicked out of a lecture hall during a scheduled class in order to set up for some event coming up. Seriously, what the hell. I am beyond frustrated with this. Never mind we are students. Never mind we are PAYING to play basketball for an hour and fifty minutes. Never mind all that. What's important, apparently, is that aerobics starts at 6:00 sharp (I mean, could they move it to start at 6:10? NO WAY. That would be unbelievably rude.).

Not to mention all day high school tournaments that take place regularly in the summer (as well as sports camps) and leave the PAYING student no place to play. Again... am I missing something? Have they forgotten we actually PAY MONEY to go to this school?

I forget sometimes how great this school is. Maybe I forget due to circumstances created by the stupidity of the scheduling committee. It reminds me of when people end their testimonies in church with "in the name of THY son..." Seriously. Think about it for two seconds.

And no, I don't think I'm asking for too much. Just fairness.

LBJ's "Decision"

That is respectable... as long as you consider what the real story is here.

Every basketball player desires three things:
1 - A championship team (and a ring)
2 - $$$
3 - A Legacy

It seems like LBJ sacrificed 2 and 3 to get 1. Seems like quite the tradeoff. I don't think it's worth it either. For the rest of his career, he is going to be known as the guy who said in the summer of '10 in front of a live audience (which was WAY too overhyped from Mr. Bigshot who claims he will be equal with D-Wade and Bosh, but will soon prove that he is unable of doing that), "Hey guess what? I am not MJ. I can't win 6 titles. In fact, I can't win 1 measly title by myself. I consent the fact that I will always be just a good solid player, nothing more." I mean, come on, look how many rings Robert Horry won. Who cares?

To me, it's NOT respectable. If I were a Cavs fan, I would have ripped my arm off if it were to give me a chance to beat him over the head with it.

Not to say we haven't been equally damaged by this offseason. I fear in a couple more years D-Will's fate will be on the line too. Talk about a sucky summer.

Frisbee: A "Real" Sport?

I am constantly dumfounded by the number of frisbee jocks I find during my intramural games. It truly is shocking to see guys who actually participate in frisbee because it's "their" sport. As in they grew up playing ultimate frisbee and worked at excelling in this.

Last night, I had a game on a ward team. I am in no way, shape, or form, good at frisbee. I just like to run around. I thought this was how everyone approached the game. I was wrong.

Two of our teammates are girls - the other team (all guys) didn't care. More than once did I see a male player on the other team hotly contest a frisbee intended to be caught by one of our girls. I understand (MAYBE!) shoving a girl out of the way when they are beating you. However, this was happening when the score was an absurd 10-2 for the other team or so. In other words, we were getting ROASTED, and these guys were STILL throwing our girls out of the way.

Early on in the match, a guy on their team called a foul on one of our guys for knocking the frisbee out of his hands when they both went for it in the air. The foul cost us a point, because it happened right next to our goal. THIS is the crux of my argument. This frisbee "jock" was tapped on the arm by our guy (who hotly contested the call), so he called a foul. Frisbee = Pansy sport for guys who can't handle real sports. Honestly, why do you think ESPN never says a word about it? Because they don't consider it a real sport. Don't believe me? It's not like ESPN is choosy about what sports they DO show - consider, for example, the fact that you can go on to ESPN.com and find stories and links to bass fishing, the WNBA, and Poker, for crying out loud. But frisbee? Nowhere to be found.

The moral of my rant is that everyone who takes frisbee seriously should get their heads examined. Seriously. By a Medical Doctor.

An evening with the Backstreet Boys

Sweaty palms. Perspiration running down my temples. Feet shifting on the floor nervously. Anxious glances up at the stage. When would they appear, I wondered? When would this glorious moment finally take place, and these 4 gallant men would stand on the stage and I could behold them with mine own two eyes? Why this agony of being forced to wait? Oh the humanity! Haven't I suffered enough?!?

... These feelings and thoughts never crossed my mind the 3o minutes before the BSB's came out of hiding and on to the stage. Instead, I was considering how unbelievably unprofessional of the band to keep their audience waiting. I glanced at my watch. 9:30. Still nothing. The tickets said 8:30 on them. Why not perform at the time the ticket has? Why the wait?

Unfortunately, I was alone in my disgust. The malicious mass of women in the building (any variety of ages, from 12-30, with a smattering of about 10 men or so included in the mix) increased from anxious chatter to a dull roar as the band continued to wait. Clever, I thought. Let's put these girls on the verge of tears before we appear. And the music hadn't even started yet!

FINALLY, there was movement. A flashlight appeared on the curtain, and the arena erupted. I looked up! Finally? Nope, just a flashlight. Then a movie screen. It was the Backstreet Boys, all right... ON SCREEN. A video image of the four of them, walking towards the audience in deliciously expensive attire. Now THIS is what I paid to see! Of course, I could youtube any BSB video and see the 4 of them in those same outfits in those same poses, but instead, I saw it at the concert! Brilliant.

The video continued, the holograms approached. Closer, and closer, and closer... then the real live band jumped seemingly out of the curtain, and Hell broke loose. Startled, I reached for my broadsword, ready to defend myself against savage banshees and shrieking demons wailing and crying for human souls to feed on... then I realized I didn't have a sword. In fact, there were no demons. No banshees. Just crying, wailing women. It was as if they had all, each and every one of them, been given the news that they just won the million dollar prize of the lottery after inhaling a complete breath of a helium-filled balloon. I covered my ears in shock. What had this crowd become? I was prepared, but not for this. Not for this.

The BSB's started the concert with their hit song, "Backstreet's Back." What a delightful song. The lyrics primarily rely on the line, "everybody, yeah, rock your body, yeah." The crowd obeyed. I mean, what else can I say? A brilliant opening number with brilliant lyrics... for every single concert they ever do. These 30 year old men were... BACK.

The next song was even more stunning than the last, the song titled "PDA." The lyrics were equally captivating: "Your PDA, hey hey, I want your PDA." Need I say more?

They played their hits, I can promise you that. The mob loved every one. From "Larger to Life" to "Shape of my Heart," each song was filled with the passion and love that the band passed on to their audience, improvising each song with hilarious lines about Utah, as well as quick one-line gems, such as "Where you at, baby girl?" and "Peace and love. I love you guys." Lines like this make me wonder how anyone could ever accuse this band of not "leaving it all out on the field."

Each time they went back stage for a necessary wardrobe change, a movie preview came on. Fast and the Furious, Fight Club, Enchanted, The Matrix... oh! But what's this? The lead character of the movie - Vin Diesel, Brad Pitt, Enchanted's Prince, and Keanu Reeves - replaced by one of the members of the Backstreet Boys? Ingenious! Fight club was no longer fight club, but actually the Backstreet Boys Fan Club. Now THAT'S a club worth fighting for.

The concert ended on the song, "I want it that way." (or whatever it's called) I felt bad for the band. They had ended the concert on their FINAL hit (according to Megan). They had none left. Needless to say, when the encore (which was inevitable) was played, the audience left a bit disappointed. Maybe the band will be smarter next time they do a concert and SAVE one of their hits for their finale. But they will learn from this rookie mistake. It's not like they have been touring for 15 years or something.

I didn't clap for a double encore.

And that is my evening with the Backstreet Boys. I hear 98 degrees is coming soon, as well as Boys 2 Men (which obviously needs a band name-change). Sign me up.

The OChem Grade Reporter

My latest annoyance comes from a certain person who decided I always wanted to hear about how he was tearing up Ochem. For some reason, he believed that others (like myself) wanted to hear about his 93 on the latest test (usually about 20 points higher than the score of yours truly). The conversation usually goes in this fashion:

(this conversation happens before the tests are returned)

OChem Dude: "Hey man, how did you do on that last test?"

Me: "Um... I dunno, I think I got WORKED, as I usually do. I don't feel good about it."

OChem Dude: "Yeah. I can't actually think of one question I probably missed."

Me: (Acting pleased for him) "Really? Wow, that's great."

OChem Dude: "I know, it is. It is really great. But we'll see. I'm hoping for a 98 or so, but I usually get nickeled and dimed to death, so I'm betting I only pull out a 92 or 93."

Me: "Wow, I hope that doesn't happen for your sake. That would be TERRIBLE."

Now let's examine what happens after the tests are returned.

OChem Dude: "So... how did you do on that test?"

Me: "Um (trying to avoid talking about it), I did ok. Not the best."

OChem Dude: "Well that's funny, because I think perhaps I did THE best. In fact, I have a hard time believing anyone got a score higher than mine. That would make my score the highest. I mean, after all, a 96 is pretty good, right?"

Me: (As if I need to or WANT to verify this) "Oh yeah. No one got higher than you. Mind if I call you Ace?"

OChem Dude: "You can call me that if you want. I mean, it's not a 100, but I think Ace is a pretty accurate nickname. I'm so mad about the question I missed!"

And on and on and on. At least OChem is over, so those days are over. I dream about one day getting a 98 or so on an Ochem test. If that ever happens, he will be the first person I call.

Why this Blog exists

When anyone asked me growing up what my #1 pet peeve was, I always told them that I hated when I went to butter my bread and the butter had been stuck in the fridge. That really used to get my goat. Since then, I've moved on... to bigger and better annoyances.